Will Love Be Enough
by km115
Summary: From the moment they first met, there was an undeniable force that drew Sam and Andy together. Each made their fair share of mistakes, but will it finally catch up to them? Andy still leaves for Project Dakota, but things don't play out like they do in Season 4. They both admitted their love to one another, but will that be enough for them to have a happy ending?
1. Chapter 1

"_Sam, it's too late. I can't do this anymore."_

"_Okay. You don't have to do anything, okay? You don't have to do anything. I'm gonna do it all. I'm gonna do everything, okay? I'm gonna show you every single day, until you say yes. I'm gonna make you dinner. I'm gonna take out your garbage. I'm gonna walk your dog."_

"_I don't have a dog."_

"_Then let's get a dog… Labradoodle, mutt from the pound… I don't care. Let's bring him home and call him Boo. Boo Radley. I've always loved that for a dog."_

"_Okay, look… Can we just start with a drink? Just a drink... Please, Andy. Just give me a chance."_

* * *

Andy McNally, known for her allergy to silence, stood in the main hallway of the precinct at a complete loss for words.

A few hours ago, she held a live grenade, not knowing if she would live to see another day. A deranged lunatic had kidnapped a little girl and attached the explosive to her. When Andy found the girl, she knew she had to take her place, even if it would have been the last thing she ever did. To add to that insurmountable pressure, Sam decided that he needed to tell her, at that exact moment, that he loved her.

Back at the station, Sam caught up with Andy in the locker room. After his confession, she thought that they'd finally start to figure things out together, but he made a joke of it instead. She walked away from him, while the pieces of her fragile heart that she had just started to put back together were breaking once more. She could feel him behind her, but she wouldn't stop. The last thing she wanted was for him to see her break down again. He ran in front of her, blocking her path, and tried to explain that he truly meant it when he said that he loved her, and he would do anything to have another shot with her.

And that was how Andy ended up in the hallway, completely silent, and more confused than she had ever been.

She walked down the hall in the opposite direction that Sam had gone, not really knowing what just happened, unable to fully process everything. Broken from her thoughts, she heard Luke ask, "Got a minute?" to which she turned and replied, "Yeah."

They stepped into his office, and Luke explained how there had been some changes in the taskforce since their conversation that morning. A position had become available, and if she was interested, the spot was hers.

"I need your answer in five minutes," Luke stated, as he walked away, giving her some time to think things over.

Her head was spinning. The last several hours had been a monstrous whirlwind of events and emotions, and to top it all off, she was given only a few minutes to make a decision that would affect her future, both personally and professionally.

Before shift that day, she begged to be a part of the operation, and now she had her chance. Obviously a lot had happened over the last several hours, with a prison escapee knocking her in the face, a near-death experience while holding a live grenade, and to top it off, Sam's unexpected confessions of love and promises thrown her way.

Was she prepared to just up and leave for an unknown length of time? What about everyone she'd leave behind? With a sigh, she plopped down into a nearby chair, rested her head in her hands, and weighed her options carefully. Luke told her that she could not let anyone know she was going undercover, and even if she was allowed, time was not on her side, as she would be leaving immediately. There was no time to go to dinner with her dad, have girl time with Traci, or even consider having that drink with Sam. She recalled everything she had said about her job being her first priority, she knew she could not, and would not, give up the opportunity before her. She stood, taking a deep breath, ready to tell Luke her final decision.

* * *

That morning, Luke was uncertain about Andy being a part of the taskforce. He saw that she had been going through a rough time, and he knew that it was because of Sam. He felt badly for her, and despite his indiscretion with Jo, he would always care for Andy. He knew she was a good cop, but he wasn't certain that she could walk away from everything and everyone at 15 Division, and completely focus as a member of the taskforce. If there was even a slight chance that she would be distracted, it meant compromising the operation and more importantly, her safety. He was not willing to take that chance.

When Luke heard about what Andy did to save the kidnapped girl, and how she willingly, without a second thought, put her life in harm's way to ensure the little girl made it home safely that night, he knew that she would be able to put any personal issues aside to focus on the op. Her recent actions showed him that she would, without a doubt, do what needed to be done to keep herself safe, and complete the mission to the best of her abilities.

Luke walked back into his office, hoping that a decision had been made, "So, you in?"

Andy looked him straight in the eyes, mustering up all the strength she could, "Yes, I'm in."

After agreeing to the op, an officer dropped her off at home, where she hurriedly packed a bag, got her bills and house in order, and waited for Luke to pick her up. While she waited, she couldn't help but walk back and forth in her living room, overthinking things.

'_Clothes, toiletries, shoes, keys… Leaving my phone and wallet. Cleaned out the fridge, garbage taken out… Online billing set up. Heater is off. Windows are closed. Doors are locked. I think that's everything.' _She mentally checked off the list as she continued her frantic steps, practically making a hole in the carpet from the all pacing she was doing. She couldn't help but wonder if she was walking away from everyone, just like when her mother left her when she was a child. She shook her head, trying to convince herself she was nothing like her mother. Her mother left a husband and daughter to start a new family, and hadn't even given them a second thought. No, what she was doing was entirely different. This was a tremendous opportunity to take some dangerous criminals off the streets. She hoped that everyone would understand that, but it still didn't make it any easier leaving without saying goodbye. She closed her eyes and wished they could hear her silent apologies.

'_Oh, Traci, I'm so sorry for leaving you like this, especially after everything that you've gone through lately. I'm sorry for not being there for you. I really need to do this for myself right now, and I hope you'll be able to forgive me.' _

'_Dad, please don't worry about me. I'll be okay. I've been trained well, and I'll make you proud. Please don't start drinking again because I'm gone. I will come back.'_

'_Sam. What are we doing? What the hell happened today? I really wish we could've been normal together. I'm sorry that you're probably sitting alone at the bar right now, but even if I wasn't leaving, I don't even know what we would say to each other. Maybe one day we'll get over hurting each other, maybe not. I really don't know…'_

* * *

A honk of a car horn snapped her out of her thoughts, a signal that her ride had arrived. She grabbed her bags, locked the front door, and took one last look at the place she called home, saying goodbye to her life as Andy McNally.

Once they were on their way, Luke looked over at Andy, "You good?"

"Yeah, I am," she replied, as she made a conscious effort to push the past behind her, and was determined to keep focused on the job at hand.

"Anything else you need taken care of while you're gone?"

"No, but if something comes up, I'll just figure it out." No matter what had happened that day, or over the past several weeks, she made her choice to be a part of the operation, and she was dedicated to do a damn good job at it.

Forgoing any further conversation, and with a renewed sense of strength, she sat in comfortable silence as they drove to pick up the other officer who would be going undercover with her. As they pulled up to an apartment complex, she saw Nick, her new partner, the one she would be relying on to have her back for the entirety of the operation. A small smile spread across her face; at least she had a familiar face to share the journey with.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you RBCrazyFan and 1mcswarek for looking at my first draft, your comments and suggestions, and your willingness to help me. Thank you Sairs J for looking over my different versions, for allowing me to bounce ideas off of you, and for your encouragement.

Please read and respond.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.

* * *

After Sam pleaded with Andy to give him a chance, he made his way to the parking lot, hopped into his truck, and headed to the Penny. Once he had arrived, he sat at his usual spot at the bar, ordered a beer, and held on to hope that Andy would show up.

Sitting alone, sipping his beer, eyes glued to the door, Sam was plagued with the events of the past several weeks.

He remembered that night at the Penny that Traci read through the speech Jerry would've given at their wedding. The part that Jerry wrote about Sam would be forever engrained in his heart.

"_Sammy, the best man. No truer words were ever spoken. I trust you with my life because not matter what happens, I know you'll always have my back. I love you, man."_

Every time those words came to mind, it was like he was hearing it for the first time. Guilt and regret consumed him. If he hadn't gone to check out the bartender, Jerry wouldn't have been at the cab driver's place. He wouldn't have gotten stabbed, and he wouldn't be dead. Sam blamed himself for not having his brother's back; an error in judgment had cost his best friend's life.

After the speech, he remembered going outside, where Andy had followed him, asking him to let her in. All she wanted was to be there for him, and all he did was push her away.

'_I'm trying to talk to you… I want to go through this with you.'_

He was hurting, and in the process, he hurt her too. The words he spoke to her haunted him, words that he could only wish he could take back.

'_We knew this was trouble even before we started… I can't be a cop and be with you. I can't do this anymore.'_

He could vividly remember her face, filled with pain and sorrow, entirely broken, as he told her he couldn't be with her anymore. Tears streaming down her face, as the rain poured down heavily around them. The black sky and dreary weather were nothing in comparison to the darkness that had overtaken her heart. His words snuffing out the light in her heart, as the pain reached the depths of her soul. Still, he drove away, and with a last look in the rearview mirror, he could see her breaking down completely, sobbing, as he left her, her heart broken to pieces.

He had just finished his first beer, and for the first time since he arrived, he shifted his eyes off the door to signal the bartender for another drink. Once the new bottle was placed in front of him, his gaze traveled right back to where it had been the entire night. As his mind continued to wander, other recent memories came rushing to the surface.

'_If things go south with us… I don't want them to, I hope they don't, but if they do, then don't walk out the door… Let's promise to work at it.'_

'_You won't get rid of me without a fight.'_

Andy had run into her mother at a call, and all the pain she felt from being abandoned all those years ago hit her hard. She needed Sam's reassurance that he wouldn't just leave her like her mother had. He had looked into her eyes and promised her he wouldn't leave without a fight, but eventually, just like her mother, he left her too. He gave up and walked away when things got tough. He figured walking away was supposed to be easier. It was supposed to hurt less, knowing that he would lose her on his terms, and not unexpectedly on a call gone wrong. Traci never would have predicted that Jerry would die the way he did, instantly taken from her life forever. But that was part of the job... No one could ever foresee things like that. He couldn't imagine going through that, and he didn't want her to have to endure that either.

As he thought about his so-called reasons for breaking up with Andy, Sam realized how much of a coward he had been, and how irrational his choices were. Walking away from her, instead of enjoying every single moment he did have with her, was the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life. All he could hope for now was that it wasn't too late to make things right.

Lost in thought for apparently what had been hours, and after he had consumed a few beers over the course of the night, he was brought back to the present as the bartender mentioned the bar was closing, and that he had to head out. Sam hadn't had any idea how much time had passed. Having been in his own little world, it was only then that he realized that out of all the people that he saw come and go through those doors, not one of them was Andy. She hadn't shown up, and she wasn't going to.

Still in a daze, he was barely aware that he pulled out some money to cover his tab, and the next thing he knew, he was standing at the front door of his house. He fumbled with his keys, unlocked the door, walked in, and immediately slammed it shut, not caring about waking his neighbors. His house was almost completely dark; the only light source came from the streetlights outside, which shone in through the windows in his living room. He walked to his kitchen, grabbed a full bottle of whiskey out of the cupboard, and headed to his couch. Sitting in the dark, countless emotions galloped through his mind, as he was again alone with his thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sairs J, thanks so much for your help with this chapter. **

Andy smiled at Nick before hopped into the backseat, and the trio headed to the meet up location, where another member of the taskforce would drive them the rest of the way to their cover apartment.

Andy was thankful to have Nick as her partner. He had been a great support to her over the past several weeks, becoming her break-up buddy after Sam left her standing in the rain that fateful night at the Penny. She appreciated the friendship that had developed between them, knowing she could trust him, and that he really cared about her. To have someone who she could talk openly with, who wouldn't judge her, and would be there to support her, made her feel that much more assured that things were going to be okay. He would have her back, and she would have his.

When Luke's car pulled up to his building, Nick saw that Andy was sitting in the front seat, and he was completely surprised. He didn't even know she was interested in the taskforce, but was pleased they'd be working closely together. He got to know her a lot better after becoming her break-up buddy, and couldn't understand how Sam could treat her the way he did. What Andy saw in her ex, he did not know.

Since joining 15 Division, he was able to spend a lot of time with Andy on patrol and at the Penny with their friends. Right away, he was able to see something special in her. He admired the compassion she showed to the victims they encountered, doing everything she could to make sure justice was served. The better he got to know her, the more his feelings for her deepened, changing to something other than just friendship.

His relationship with Gail was complicated. It always had been. He'd hoped that a second chance would be easier, but she made it a point to inform him on many occasions that what they had was only physical, and nothing more. Changing Gail's mind was impossible, so he began to accept the fact that he would not be anything more than a warm body to her.

He wasn't sure how things would play out with Andy while they were undercover together, but he knew that he would do everything he could to take care of her and protect her.

As they drove to the meet up location, Luke took the time to remind them of the fact that they had a job to do, which meant leaving their old lives behind, and having absolutely no contact with anyone from home. He informed them that he would be their handler, and would meet them weekly to check in, and if for some reason they needed to meet sooner, or pass on sensitive information, they could contact him at any time on their burner cells. Their new driver arrived, and he left them with a "Good luck."

Once they were on the second leg of their journey, Nick looked over at Andy and asked, "So you ready to say goodbye to your old life?"

She turned around from the front seat and sighed, "Yeah, I guess I am."

Their driver handed them files that they needed to read over before they arrived at their cover apartment. Inside, there was information about each of their targets, and their cover stories.

Andy read over the notes, trying to commit all the information to memory. One slip up could put their lives in danger, and she would not risk Nick's life because she forgot an important detail. She could never forgive herself if that happened.

Their cover names were Andy Miller and Nick Clark, and they had met while they worked at The M Nightclub, a place known for designer drugs and prostitution. Half of the business was legitimate, as they were a fully functional bar and dance club, but behind the scenes, there was a lot more going on. Andy had started out as a bartender, but when the owners of the club found that she was really good with numbers, and was in desperate need of extra cash, she had started taking care of the books for both the legal and illegal parts of the operation. Nick had been hired as a bouncer, and it wasn't long before he too got the boss' attention. He became part of the security detail involved in their drug deals and made sure the Johns paid for the services their girls provided. After getting to know each other at the club, they hit it off and became a couple, one that was not to be messed with. During a deal gone wrong, shots were fired, the club was set ablaze, and the police and fire department were called. Most of the crew were shot dead or were arrested. Andy and Nick, along with a few others managed to escape in the midst of the chaos, and they all decided it was best to part ways, as everything was gone, and there was nothing more they could do. That was how they ended up in North Bay, where Nick's old high school buddy, Tom, hooked them up with a place to stay, and would try to get them jobs with his boss.

Andy turned to the last page, which identified the key members of the organization they were trying to infiltrate. They would be meeting with Tom Adams, their CI, in two days. He would introduce them to his boss, Carl Mitchell. The taskforce's informant knew that Carl was looking to hire more people. That was where Andy and Nick would start. They would have to prove their worth, and eventually, they would need to get close to their main target, Steven Malone. Steven was the guy in charge of the whole operation, distributing illegal drugs and weapons all over the city. His business was quickly expanding, and was starting to reach into neighboring cities. There were more gang related shootings and many police officers had been injured or killed due to the weapons they suspected to be from Steven Malone. Andy and Nick were to find information on Steven's suppliers, and provide proof that Steven was selling the weapons and drugs to various crime families and gangs. They also needed to figure out where he was getting his drug supply from, and stop it from reaching the streets.

An hour and a half later, the car stopped in front of a fairly new apartment building, in a decent enough neighborhood. Their driver handed them keys to their apartment, along with new identification cards, cash, and burner cells, while the two, in turn, gave back the confidential files. They grabbed their bags and they headed to what would be their home for the foreseeable future.

**Note**: In this story, Andy did not develop a relationship with her mother. They did meet at a crime scene, but that summed up their interaction. As for Nick and Gail, they never became a couple.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam sat on his couch, drowning his sorrows in the bottle of whiskey he'd pulled from the cupboard, relishing the burn he felt as the alcohol slid down his throat. He silently accepted that he'd lost her forever, his own stupidity had cost him the chance of having a life with her.

Before taking another large gulp from the bottle, anger suddenly arose from deep inside him, replacing the self-loathing and depression he felt moments before. _'What the hell is wrong with me? God, I am so pathetic. The badass Sam Swarek, brought to his knees by his rookie! I finally admitted how I really feel about her while she's holding a damn bomb. Who does that? Look where it got me! She just walked away… Again. How are we so screwed up? We are the poster for failed relationships… A girl who runs off and has major abandonment issues, and a guy who can't tell her how he feels until she is holding an live explosive and could very well die right in front of him. What a joke!'_

He tried to think back to how he got to this point. Ever since he was a kid, he avoided relationships because he knew things like this would happen. Letting anyone get too close would only be a set up for pain, so he learned to keep people at a distance. His mother was mentally unstable, and died when he and his sister were young, and his father was an abusive drunk, who spent part of their childhood in prison. If he couldn't even trust his parents not to hurt him, there was no way he could count on anyone else to be any different.

Somehow, despite all of the walls he learned to build up over the years, his rookie managed to break them down, and he fell for her, deeply and madly in love with her. He was terrified, as he never let anyone get so close before, yet he would not allow her into his heart completely. When he finally told her how he felt, he let fear overcome him, the fear that he would lose her. Ironically, it was his fear that caused him to lose the one person he feared losing the most. And here he was, left alone with a broken heart, and a half empty bottle of whiskey.

As memories kept flooding in, he drank more and more, hoping that soon enough they would just go away.

He couldn't remember the exact point he fell in love with her, or how she was able to make him feel things he never imagined. Always the ladies man, he had his fair share of women. They came and went, and he never stuck around long enough to form any sort of attachment, and he was never interested in doing so. That was, until he met Andy.

From the day she barreled into his life, he knew she was something else.

He had been so pissed at her, even though it really was Jerry's fault for blowing his cover. He had taken out his frustrations out on someone's locker, leaving a permanent shoe print in the process. Yet she managed to call him out on his crap. He had no idea how she did it, but she didn't back down until he'd told her everything he'd known about the potential shooter. She didn't flinch when he tried to throw her off by stripping in front of her, and didn't back down when he treated her like a complete idiot, and an utter failure.

As he recalled her second day on the job, he thought about how much she really surprised him that day.

She definitely saved his ass. When he'd gone after Emily, he hadn't really stopped to think about the consequences of confronting Hill and his associates. He would have left in a body bag if Andy hadn't walked in with the files. He hadn't expected her to ever drift outside the lines, but she'd virtually colored in an entirely different coloring book to save Emily. She continued to surprise him.

When she met a young man with a bullet lodged in his head, she saw someone who had made some bad decisions in the past, and worried about how a tricky surgery to remove the bullet would turn out. Her main concern was about Benny, and she treated him with respect, unlike Callaghan, who saw him simply as "evidence."

He should have known then how different she was, because of the fact he let her use his truck. Before that, he had never let anyone touch his truck. Even his best friends, Oliver and Jerry, only had the honor of riding with him once, as he would never consider allowing them to drive her. But with Andy, she simply asked, and without giving a second thought, he handed over the keys. Oliver realized the significance of the gesture, and called him on it, although Sam refused to see what was becoming obvious to everyone else. He smiled as he remembered telling Benny that she had a lion's heart. It was true. The genuine concern she had for others was remarkable, and it was one of the things he loved about her the most.

When she first shot someone fatally, she was devastated. To some, especially Callaghan, it was seen as a great thing, since by doing so, she saved the life of a little girl, her TO, and herself. But in her mind, it was a life that ended by her hands. He was surprised when she came to him that night, but it had turned from an act of comfort to something more, and the feelings that were stirred in him that night should have been a warning sign that he was travelling down a dangerous path.

Then there was the Laundromat incident, where she risked her life to protect a woman whose husband died in the building. It was yet another time where she put the wellbeing of others above her own, even if that put her in a dangerous situation. It had caused him to reach a level of fear that he never thought he was capable of. The thought of never being able to see her again petrified him.

Looking back at all she had accomplished and everything she had overcome, even if only considering her rookie year, he could not be more amazed, or more proud. Of course he noticed that she was a really good person from the start, but he never stopped to reflect on how extraordinary she was, until now.

He fisted his hands and brought them to his forehead. How had he managed to screw things up so badly? He finally found someone who truly wanted to know him, care for him, and possibly love him in spite of who he was, and he walked away.

Closing his eyes and mentally beating himself up for his idiocy, he kept drinking. Before long, the bottle was completely dry, and he was out cold.


	5. Chapter 5

**Note**: Nick became Andy's break up buddy after Sam broke up with her that night at the Penny. It wasn't immediately after, but when Andy saw that Sam wanted nothing to do with her, she felt that she had to do something to move on (in life, not toward another relationship). Andy still loved Sam, but knew she couldn't just sit around hoping he'd change his mind (he ignored her for weeks!).

As always, thank you Sairs J for your help!

Please leave a review if you have a chance.

* * *

When they finally made it into their apartment, Nick could see that Andy was both physically and emotionally exhausted. They took a quick look at their new home, locating the cameras and the main switch, having been informed that there was a camera in each room except for the bathroom. Knowing it was important for their safety, they decided to keep the cameras on at all times, as they didn't have anything to hide.

Their apartment was a bit on the small side, but it was definitely in better shape than most UC housing. Their kitchen was decent, enough for them to get by. The officers who set up their apartment stocked the refrigerator and cupboards with essentials to hold them over for a few days. The living room had a decently sized sofa, a long coffee table in front of it, a small TV, and a bookshelf with reading material of various genres. Andy ran her fingers along the spines of the books as she walked past the shelf, only to stop when she noticed a title that caught her eye, Moby Dick. She rolled her eyes as she remembered Sam having that book on tape when he was undercover. No matter how much she tried to keep him out of her thoughts, Sam Swarek would not get out of her head. Even though she would never admit it aloud, she didn't want him to.

There was only one bedroom, which didn't surprise them, since they were playing the part of a young, hot couple. A queen-sized bed was placed in the middle of the room, a bedside table and lamp off to one side. A vanity dresser was located along the wall beside the closet. There was an adjoining bathroom, which was simple and clean.

With the limited space becoming more evident as they finished the tour of their new living space, Nick was unsure of how to approach the subject of sleeping arrangements, so he decided to just come right out and say it. "Andy, how about you take the bed. I'll crash on the couch."

She gave him a funny look. "Nick, don't be silly. We can both fit on the bed. There's no need for you to get a crick in your neck!"

"Are you sure? I really don't mind," he added, unsure of how he felt sleeping next to the woman he was beginning to fall for. He didn't want to inadvertently do something while half asleep that would make her feel uncomfortable with him.

After his last comment, she couldn't help but tease her friend. "Do I have cooties or something? Way to make a girl feel special! Seriously, it's not a big deal. Now hurry up! Let's get ready for bed. I'm tired, and could sleep for a week! First dibs on the bathroom," she called out, as she made a mad dash to beat him there.

Andy took her turn, and emerged from the bathroom in a comfortable tank top and shorts pajama set. Nick's heart stopped when he saw her, and couldn't help but admire her beauty. Even without a drop of makeup, and her hair pulled into a messy bun, he found her absolutely gorgeous. He found her beauty inside to be just as incredible as the outside.

Trying to prevent himself from staring, Nick went to get ready for bed. When he was finished, he saw that Andy had already settled in bed, and was waiting for him to turn off the bedside lamp that was on his side of the bed. Goodnights were exchanged and they quickly nodded off as their long day finally caught up to them.

* * *

_I'm holding a bomb. I close my eyes, as my heart is pounding out of my chest. Will this be the last thing I ever do? I can feel him standing right in front of me, and I open my eyes. All I see is concern etched on his face as he moves closer and closer toward me. I think to myself, 'What is he doing here? He needs to leave! It isn't safe.' He looks me in the eyes, and out of nowhere he whispers, 'I love you.' I have waited so long to hear those words from his sweet lips. 'Sam, I love y…' BOOM!_

Andy bolted upright in bed, covered in a cold sweat, her breathing so rapid that she started to get a little lightheaded. She felt Nick jerk awake, quickly sitting up beside her, his hand slowly running up and down her back in an attempt to soothe her.

His voice was calming as he spoke to her. "Hey, it's okay. You're okay. Just breathe."

After a few minutes, her breathing returned to normal, and she was able to manage to plaster a small, but timid smile on her face. "Sorry Nick. I must've had a bad dream. I'm really sorry I woke you up."

She knew it was more than just a bad dream, and couldn't help but question what it really meant. She remembered she was just about to tell Sam that she loved him, but woke up before her dream self was able to do so. The feelings in her dream felt so real; the weight of the emotions on her heart were almost palpable.

Nick gently grabbed her shoulders, turning her to face him. "Andy, you have nothing to apologize for. I just want to make sure you're okay. Do you want to talk about it?"

Shaking her head slowly, she took his hand and gave it a light squeeze, hoping to express her gratitude for his support. "Thanks. I'm fine. Let's just go back to sleep."

He gave her a skeptical look, but he let it go. After all, she did say she was fine. For the second time that night, they got settled under the covers, and Nick fell asleep almost immediately, while Andy lay wide awake.

As she lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, she was glad that Nick didn't push her to talk. He had been a great support to her with the break-up buddy program, but she couldn't admit to him that it had likely been a complete waste. Her subconscious thoughts proved that she wasn't really over Sam, and she wasn't sure she ever would be. Eventually exhaustion won over her racing mind, and sleep overtook her.

* * *

The early morning sun shining through the curtains woke Nick up the next morning. He smiled as he glanced over to find Andy's sleeping form snuggled in the blankets next to him. _'I could get used to waking up like this,' _he thought to himself, a smile on his lips, and hope in his heart.

Deciding to let Andy sleep in, Nick quietly got out of bed and headed to the kitchen. He started a pot of coffee and pulled out some ingredients to make a decent breakfast.

* * *

Andy awoke to the wonderful smells that were coming from the kitchen. She stretched, slowly opening her eyes, and for a minute, panic set in, as she forgot where she was. Suddenly the events that occurred over the past twenty-four hours came back to her, hitting her like a ton of bricks. It was difficult for her to believe that it had only been a day ago that she held a grenade in her hands as Sam professed his love to her. She had an even harder time wrapping her head around the fact that as she was lying in bed, she was no longer Andy McNally, but instead, Andy Miller. She had indeed been offered the spot on the taskforce, and she left everyone behind without a word.

Now that the adrenaline from the bomb scare had worn off, and she had been able to get a few decent hours of sleep, she couldn't help but question her decision to participate in the operation. Of course she meant it when she said she wanted to be a part of the taskforce, but was she thinking clearly when she agreed to it after her shift? Who would've known that the op would be pushed up, and she would be leaving just hours after she put in her request? As far as she had known, her request had been immediately been turned down, yet here she was, deep undercover.

All the reasons she gave Luke about her qualifications and her dedication to serve and protect were still valid. She truly was a good cop, and had the perseverance to rise to any challenge set in front of her. Andy knew that this was a great opportunity to take down some really bad people, but she couldn't help but question if she made the right choice. She was worried that she wouldn't be completely focused on the job after the traumatic and significant events that happened the day before. Of course she was tough, and put up a brave front, but this was UC, where one slip up could cost you everything.

She realized that if she had a clear mind at the time of Luke's offer, she probably would've tried to convince him to give her an hour to say goodbye, to see a few people before she left, or at least write them a letter. Having that sense of closure by just being able to explain her decision would've given her peace of mind. She knew that she wouldn't have been able to tell them that she was leaving, but she still hated the fact that she left the way she did. She could've given Traci a case file, followed by a friendly hug, which wouldn't have been too far out of the ordinary after the day they'd had. She wished she had the chance to see her Dad, maybe under the guise of dropping off something for him to fix for her. And Sam, she would've liked to at least let him know she wouldn't have been able to meet him, maybe even asking for a rain check for that drink.

Deep down, she knew that Traci would manage without her. She was one of the strongest women she knew, and had others that she would rely on for support. Mrs. Nash and Leo would give her all their love, and would make sure she took care of herself. Everyone at Fifteen Division would keep an eye out for her too, keeping her safe, making sure she didn't bury herself too much in work in attempt to escape from life.

Her dad would manage with her being away for a while. He would understand how important the job was to her, even though he'd be worrying about his little girl. Sobriety was somewhat new to him, but he was committed to really change this time, never missing any meetings, and making good friends that were keeping him accountable.

She was, however, worried about Sam. He had pushed everyone away after Jerry died, and had been in a very dark place. He finally seemed to be finding himself again, realizing what he really wanted. After years of holding back expressing any feelings or emotions, he poured out his heart and soul, telling her how much he loved her. Granted, his fear got the best of him for a bit, but in the end, all he wanted was a chance to make things right. But this time, she was the one to leave without a fight.

Andy had no idea if Sam would ever forgive her, or try to understand her reasons for leaving. At first, it had been about running away from her problems, but then it became much more than that. She gave her word that if chosen, she would do it to the best of her ability, and she wouldn't be able to look at herself in the mirror if she just backed out on a commitment of this magnitude, especially after she had pled her case as much as she had. She was also given a chance to make a real difference to put criminals away that may not be caught otherwise.

She scrunched her face and brought her fingers to her temples, pressing lightly, moving her fingers in circular motions. All the thinking she was doing was giving her a headache. Giving up on the war inside her head, admitting that what was done, was indeed done, she headed toward the kitchen, following the ever-growing aroma of coffee and food.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you, as always, to Sairs J. **

**This is a shorter chapter, but the next one will be much longer. Please respond if you have a moment to spare. I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**For those of you who already are in 2014, Happy New Year!**

* * *

The next morning, Sam awoke to loud pounding on his front door. He slowly opened his eyes, and quickly shut them. The blinding sunlight was absolutely painful. Hoping the pounding would eventually stop, he sunk back further into the couch, rubbing his temples in attempt to soothe the massive headache he was experiencing. The pounding stopped for a moment, but was followed by the jingling of keys, turning of the lock, and finally by the front door being swung wide open. A very upset Oliver came storming in, wanting to know why he had not bothered to show up to work that morning.

His best friend took one look at him sprawled out on the couch, the large, empty bottle of whiskey lying on the floor next to him. He could see that Sam had the worst hangover in the history of hangovers, and he definitely wouldn't be making it to work, let alone out of the house that day. Oliver knew things had been tough for Sam lately, having not dealt with losing Jerry well, and in the process, he had pushed Andy away, which had only made things worse. Knowing work was out of the question, he wasn't even sure if Sam could make the call on his own, so Oliver stepped out of the room and made a call to Frank, informing him that Sam would need to take a few days off, effective immediately.

Upon his return to the living room, Oliver let his frustration and disappointment get the best of him. "What the hell, Sammy? You decided to get so wasted you couldn't make it in to work, or not even call saying you'd be out today?"

All Sam could do was moan, as the pain was too great for him to come up with anything coherent.

Leaving the living room again, Oliver made his way into Sam's bathroom, and pulled out a bottle of aspirin. His next stop was the kitchen to grab him a glass of water. He made his way back over to his friend, handing both items to him. Sam could only nod in appreciation, and quickly swallowed the pills before laying back on the couch.

Seeing that he was going to have to sleep it off, Oliver mentioned he'd stop by later to bring him dinner, and that they'd be having a chat. With that, he let himself out, locking the door behind him, and went back on patrol.

Thankfully, he was riding solo today, so he didn't have to answer questions about what he had just seen. How would he have explained Sam turning to the bottle to avoid facing everything? He would just have to hope that nobody would ask how he was doing, as he wouldn't even know how to explain the state his friend was in. All he knew was that he had to do something to snap him out of it.

* * *

Throughout his shift, Oliver wondered what he could do to get through to his friend. Granted, things had been pretty tough on everyone at 15, but Sam was really not doing well. Knowing that Sarah and Andy were the only ones Sam would ever consider opening up to, he pulled out his phone, dialing a number he never thought he'd have to call.

"Hello," the voice said after picking up after a few rings.

"Hi, is this Sarah?" Oliver asked.

"Yes, this is. May I ask who this is?"

"Um, I'm not sure if you remember me, but this is Oliver Shaw. I work with your brother," he said hesitantly.

Sarah's heart immediately fell. Was her brother okay? Why else would his friend and co-worker be calling her? She couldn't find the words to say, and after a few moments of silence, Oliver checked to see if the call was still connected.

"Sarah, are you still there?"

"Did something happen to my brother? Is that why you're calling? Is he okay? Is he hurt?" Sarah spit out those questions quicker than even she thought possible, panic evident, as her voice faltered.

"No. He's fine. Well, he wasn't hurt on the job, but he's not doing well." Oliver started.

She was glad that he hadn't been seriously injured, but couldn't help but wonder what could've happened for Sam's friend to call her, saying that he wasn't doing well. She knew that Sam was never one to share his feelings openly with people, so the worry that had momentarily left her when she found he was physically safe had now returned. Her anxiety came back full force for a whole different set of reasons.

"What's going on with my brother, Oliver?"

Oliver went on to tell her what had transpired over the last several weeks. He started the events surrounding Jerry's death; Jerry being found severely wounded by Sam and Andy after a suspect attacked him. He then went on to share that he knew Sam blamed himself, but took it out on Andy, breaking up with her weeks ago. Next, he told her about how he found Sam that morning, and figured she would know what to do to help him, and informed her of his plan to try to talk to him later that night. The last thing he mentioned was that Sam would have the next few days off, knowing he would need some time to figure some things out before attempting to go back to work. Sarah ended the call saying that they'd keep in touch, and thanked Oliver for being such a wonderful friend to her brother.


	7. Chapter 7

Again, thank you, Sairs J for taking the time to read over the chapter, giving your honest opinion, and correcting any mistakes that you found.

Thank you to those of you who have commented on the previous chapters. I hope you enjoy this one, and all the future chapters as well. I know not everyone will agree with my ideas, but this is what I've envisioned. The characters may seem out of character, but it is fiction, right?

I hope everyone is having a wonderful new year so far!

* * *

When Andy walked out of the bedroom, she saw Nick standing at the stove, making breakfast. He turned around and smiled at her. "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty."

"Good morning to you too," she replied with a smile, although it didn't quite reach her eyes. She had a headache coming on, but she was thankful that she had a friend to help brighten her mood.

"Everything is almost ready. You want to pour our coffees and find something on TV?"

She walked around him, and grabbed two mugs out of the cupboard. "Sure. Thanks for cooking. It smells so good!"

"It was no problem, Andy," his bright smile spread across his face. Unbeknownst to Andy, he enjoyed waking up beside her and making her breakfast. An even bigger smile appeared on his face as he thought of the possibility of continuing waking up next to Andy once the op was over.

Andy was in the process of pouring more than the average amount of milk in her cup.

"Easy on the milk there," he said, swinging the spatula in his hand to emphasize his point. "I want some milk with my coffee, not some coffee with my milk," he teased.

Raising an eyebrow, she shot him a playful look. "Are you questioning my coffee making skills?"

He could only laugh in response. With a bow in mock reverence, "My apologies to the Coffee Queen. Please forgive me, Your Highness."

Shaking her head, she walked to the living room where he could hear her mutter under her breath, "Smart ass!"

Barely keeping in his laughter, he plated their food and joined her on the couch, where she found some action movie on TV.

Together they decided on a plan for the rest of the day. They'd quiz each other on the details of their cover story, unpack their belongings, and head to the market to pick up groceries for the week.

* * *

They sat facing one another on the sofa, ready to fire away at the questions. Andy was nervous about the meeting tomorrow, as it was the beginning of the entire operation. Although she had _that_ feeling in the pit of her stomach, she was also excited. All that anxiety was part of what made it fun.

She allowed Nick to start the questions. "So, who are you?"

A look of determination spread over her face, "Watch and learn, watch and learn." Her expression exuded complete confidence, a far cry from her first UC sting as a hooker. "Andy Miller, age twenty-four, born and raised in Toronto. My father was an alcoholic, and my mother bailed on us when I was a kid. I was pretty good in school, but didn't attend college; it was too expensive." She had a ridiculous smirk on her face, obviously proud at her ability to be in character. "Hah! Bet you weren't expecting all that huh?"

She could see that Nick was impressed. Now it was her turn to ask a question. "What is there to know about you?"

There was a brief pause before he began to answer. "Yeah, yeah. You did pretty good. Okay, I'm Nick Clark, twenty-seven years old, and grew up in Montreal. My parents were overbearing and controlling, so I bailed the minute I turned eighteen. I moved to Toronto, crashed on a friend's couch, and enjoyed living my own life, not having to please anyone but myself."

Andy had to admit he did a pretty good job. She hoped that everything would go as smoothly tomorrow.

"They'll probably ask right away about our work experience, since we are looking for a job." He scrunched his face and in a mockingly professional accent, he asked, "Andy Miller, what brings you here to North Bay? And what kind of job experience do you have?"

"Yup. Those would be the first things that I would ask. Well, I decided to move to North Bay with my boyfriend Nick after our last job went up in flames, literally. We both worked at a club, I started out bartending. A friend from school hooked me up with that job, knowing I needed the money."

"Eventually I was offered to do the books. I wasn't stupid. I knew the kind of stuff that went on there, but it paid the bills. My boyfriend and I met while we worked at the club together. He went from club bouncer to security detail for the high stakes transactions. Somehow the club caught on fire one night, and the cops and firemen showed up. They found some drugs and whatnot when they entered the building. A lot of people we worked with weren't about to go back to prison. Shots were fired, and the building was burning. A few of us managed to make it out, and since there was nothing left except the empty shell of a building, we left. There wasn't anything for us there, so we called up an old friend, and that's how we got here." She smiled, knowing that it was entirely believable. When asked, she wasn't going to give her entire life story, but she needed to get it all out, making sure they were both on the same page about their work history, and their beginnings as a couple.

Andy's mind wandered to one of the first times she had gone undercover. It had been a last minute op, where she and Sam posed as a couple involved in a major drug deal. Her heart began to beat faster as she remembered the moment Sam's persona, Gabe, pressed his lips to hers. She also recalled how she felt the walls closing in around her when she found that Sam's life was in jeopardy.

It was her turn to ask the next question, and she recalled what Sam had asked her the night of the Bergen and Landy case that just had been playing in her mind. "When we met, how did I make you feel? Did you like me right away, or did it take a while?"

"Uh…" Nick's brows creased as he thought about how to answer the question. She saw his hesitation. This wasn't written in the file. The papers they read over the other night didn't include emotions, nor did they describe what you were supposed to have felt. But that didn't mean you didn't have to be prepared to answer questions about it.

She gave him the advice Sam had once given her. "Make it real. You're not pretending. How about I go first."

After his nod of approval, she began to answer her own question. "When we first met, I found you attractive, but that was where I was going to leave it. I mean you weren't completely ugly, or gross, or anything," she added with a laugh, which was met with a scowl from Nick. "Anyway, I had no idea if you even noticed me, and even if you did, I was completely focused on my job. My friend went out on a limb to get me the gig, and the last thing I needed was a distraction. At first when you started to put the moves on me, well, I thought you were some kind of player, with a tough guy attitude. But when I really got to know you, I saw that it was just for show, and deep down, you were a genuinely nice guy." She smiled and shrugged her shoulders before adding, "Now, you go."

"Wow, Andy. I had no idea you were so in love with me," he said while winking at her, slowly moving over to her side of the couch, pretending to be leaning in to kiss her.

"Yeah, yeah… Not to deflate your ever-growing head and ego, but I am just that good. Now keep those lips to yourself, Lover Boy." She shook her head and smacked the side of his head. "Your turn!"

"Fine. When I first saw you serving drinks at the bar, I couldn't take my eyes off of you. You were smoking hot. I knew you wanted me, but were just playing hard to get." He started laughing, which quickly died down when Andy punched his arm. "Okay, okay. I found you to be a very beautiful woman from the moment I saw you. I knew there was something special about you, and I tried to win you over for a while. When you finally gave me the time of day, I knew I wasn't going to let you go."

Andy saw the light in his eyes when he said those words. The feelings he expressed while looking at her appeared to be real. She quickly brushed it off, thinking that he was really starting to get a hang of adapting to questions at hand, and thinking on his feet.

Once they felt comfortable that they knew all there was to know about Andy Miller and Nick Clark, they unpacked, sharing the closet space and dresser equally. They weren't able to bring too much with them, so they finished the task rather quickly.

* * *

They walked together hand in hand to the grocery store, playing the part of a young couple in love. Unsure of who they'd come across, it was decided that whenever they were outside of the apartment, it was best to keep with their personas.

When they arrived at the grocery store, Andy ripped the shopping list in half. "Babe, here's your half of the list. We can meet up at the check-out counter when we're done."

Faking heartbreak, he placed a hand over his heart. "Trying to get rid of me already?"

She rolled her eyes at his comment. "Not at all. I just thought we'd get it over with faster. You must be tired since I kept you up last night," she added with a wink. The young stock boy walked by at that moment and couldn't help but snicker at her statement.

Nick's jaw dropped for a second before he schooled his expression. He was definitely not expecting that from her at all. She was pretty good at thinking on her feet; he had to give her that. If the stock boy only knew why she had woken him up the night before, it surely wasn't for anything remotely close to what she had implied.

Deciding to play along, he smacked her behind, "Well then, let's hurry it up and get home!"

* * *

Andy was glad to have a friend she could joke around with. She knew that playing the part of a girlfriend with some random stranger would not have been so easy. With Nick, the joking came naturally, and all she had to do was add a little girlfriendly spin to it.

As she pushed the shopping cart down the aisles, her mind drifted to how she and Sam used to have the flirty banter that came so easily. From the very beginning, there was just something special between them. There was a force that drew them together. All of that now seemed like a lifetime ago. She had been so happy, and all of that changed when Jerry died. After that, her world had come crashing down. Never once had she expected things to end with Sam, especially not like how they had. Now she was miles away from home, pretending to be shacking up with her drug smuggling lover. After finding everything she had on her list, she found herself wandering to the frozen section, in front of the ice cream. Without a second thought, she grabbed a tub of Pistachio. It had become her new favorite since Sam introduced it to her. He had become such a part of her life that he even influenced her taste in food.

As they had planned, the two met up at the check-out counter, and after paying for the groceries, they split up carrying the bags, and headed back towards their apartment.

They spent the rest of the day lounging around, enjoying the last day they had before their work would truly begin. After a while, they cooked and ate dinner together.

Andy found that if she kept busy, her mind wouldn't have the opportunity to wander to all things Sam. She was able to keep up conversation with Nick throughout the day, and found herself truly smiling, and having fun. It had been a long time since she had allowed herself to do that. At first, she tried to be there for Traci and Sam, and at the same time, having to deal with her own grief. Then, she had to find a way to mend her broken heart. With all she had gone through, she hadn't thought about having fun, but was just trying to get through life, one day at a time. She did have her moments when Sam would pop into her mind, but for the most part, she was able to push those feelings aside, and instead she tried even harder to keep busy. That had worked pretty well for her today.

* * *

After dinner, they sat on the couch to watch a movie on TV. During a commercial break, Nick headed to the kitchen and yelled into the living room, "Want any dessert?"

"Sure! I picked up some ice cream today. How about we share some of that? Hurry up, the movie is about to come back on."

After grabbing the ice cream and a couple of spoons,

Nick plopped back down onto the couch after returning with the ice cream carton and a couple of spoons. He dug right into the ice cream.

"Ew! What is this?" he exclaimed, as he grabbed his water to try to get rid of the taste in his mouth.

Andy laughed. "It's Pistachio," she exclaimed, like it was the most obvious answer, and most common flavor in the world. She grabbed the tub of ice cream from him and took a big spoonful for herself.

"Why did you buy that? Nobody likes pistachio!"

She recalled the time when she had said the exact same thing to Sam at the Alpine. Eventually he got her to try it, and she instantly loved it. Those memories caused a sad smile to grace her lips. Apparently she was not that great at pushing all those memories and feelings away.

_Flashback_

_Andy was wrapped in Sam's arms in front of the fireplace, as they listened to the crackling of the fire, when her stomach growled. "Got any ice cream?" she asked, as she looked up at him sweetly. _

"_We just ate, and you're still hungry?" he questioned teasingly, his eyebrows at the top of his head. _

"_Yes. And now I'm craving some ice cream. So, do you have any or not?" She gave him her best puppy dog eyes, and pulled out her lip in a little pout, knowing that he wouldn't be able to refuse her._

"_Fine. I'll get you some," he huffed in fake annoyance, as he got up to retrieve her treat, leaving the comfort of having her in his arms._

_He came back moments later with a tub of Pistachio ice cream and a spoon, to which he was met with a look of confusion and hesitancy. _

"_Oh my gosh. You were serious about the Pistachio ice cream?" a flabbergasted Andy inquired. _

"_Yes. In fact, everything JD told you, that was all me. You know… tell the truth whenever you can, or close to it."_

"_Wow… I had no idea… Seriously though, Pistachio?"_

"_Really. Now try it. You'll love it," he said as he took a big spoonful in his mouth, smiling at her as she shot him a disgusted look. _

"_Uh, no thanks. I'm not really hungry anymore."_

"_Don't you trust me?" _

"_Yes, with my life. But this is different."_

"_No it's not. When have I ever let you down?"_

_After failing to find any good excuse, she sighed, knowing he really hadn't let her down before. She slowly opened her mouth, as he fed her a bite of the ice cream._

"_It's not terrible," she stated, as she took the spoon from his hand to grab another big bite. Sam chuckled, knowing he was right. She really did love it, even though she wouldn't ever admit it to him._

"Andy… Earth to Andy…" Nick said as he waved his hand in front of her face.

"Huh? What?" Andy questioned, as she was brought back from daydream land.

"You kinda zoned out for a bit after I teased you about your strange choice in ice cream. You okay?" He had been trying to get her attention for about a minute, but she was really out of it, and he started to get concerned.

"Oh yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Just tired." She tried to sound nonchalant, hoping he'd buy her excuse. She was honestly tired, since she didn't have a sound sleep the night before due to her nightmare, but she wasn't about to remind him of that.

"Do you want to head to bed? We don't have to finish the movie," concern evident in each word he spoke.

"It's fine. The movie is almost over anyway."

Andy was worried about going to sleep. She had a pretty good day, but thoughts of Sam would pop into her mind unexpectedly, and it would throw her for a loop. She feared that if she fell asleep, she would have another nightmare, and she really didn't want to deal with that again. She also didn't want Nick to worry about her either.

They watched the rest of the movie without further conversation. Andy took her turn in the bathroom first, followed by Nick. For the second night in a row, Nick was sleeping soundly, while Andy could only wish for the Sandman to come.


	8. Chapter 8

Sairs J is the greatest. Many thanks to her!

For all who have taken the time to read and comment on the story, thank you! I hope you will enjoy this chapter, and will stick with it.

As a side note, things are not always as they seem. You will soon find out what I mean by that.

* * *

Hours later, Sam woke up, and made his way to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. He definitely needed a caffeine fix to help with his hangover. While he waited for it to finish brewing, he hopped into the shower, letting the hot water run over his back, soothing the aches he had from spending the night on his couch. After the water turned cold, he dried off, threw on a pair of sweats, and went to pour himself a cup of coffee. While he was in the kitchen, he made some toast, knowing he hadn't eaten since his shift the night before, and was unsure if he could stomach anything more at the moment.

As he sipped the piping hot drink, he couldn't help but beat himself up. Only he was to blame for his current state. If he hadn't been such a stubborn idiot in the first place, he wouldn't even be here right now.

He knew Oliver was right when he told him off that morning. Drinking to the point of passing out was never a smart move. If he was really going to do everything he could to get Andy back, self-loathing and getting wasted was not the way to go about it. Yes, she didn't meet him for a drink last night, but he did spring it on her at the last minute, and maybe she needed time to overthink things.

With a more sober perspective, Sam made a conscious decision to actually stick to his original plan. He almost lost her for good yesterday, and he needed to fix things before it was too late. Starting tomorrow, he would put his promises into action to fight for the love of his life.

'_Andy, I'm going to show you that I was serious. I'm going to make things right. I broke my promise to you once before, but I won't let it happen again,' _He silently vowed.

* * *

When her phone started ringing, and an unknown number appeared on the screen, Sarah was about to ignore it, but something in her gut told her to answer it. Upon hearing Oliver's voice, sheer panic spread throughout her body. Sam's friends never called her unless something had happened to her brother. The last time they contacted her, he had been shot. He had taken it in the vest, but they still felt it was best to let her know, seeing as she was the only family he had left. She could only imagine what mess he could have been in this time, and each scenario that flashed in her mind almost brought her to her knees.

She was relieved to hear that her brother wasn't injured, but the reassurance that her brother was physically okay was short lived, as she realized something must be wrong for her to be receiving this call.

Her heart broke when Oliver told her what had happened to his best friend. As tough as she knew Sam to be, she could only imagine the pain he was going through. When he went on to tell her about how things ended between her brother and Andy, her concern continued to grow.

Ever since she heard about the rookie who blew his cover, she knew her brother had met his match. Although he was never a man of many words, over the years, she had learned to read between the lines. Sarah knew he was falling for her, maybe even before he realized it himself. He never had female friends before, but he had made an exception with Andy, and when they finally got together, Sarah couldn't have been happier for her brother, except for the fact that they broke a lot of rules, and ended up suspended. For the first time in a long time, she had seen how content her brother was, and it saddened her to hear about the how all of that had changed. She couldn't imagine the pain he was enduring, even if some was self-inflicted.

Hearing that her brother had consumed enough alcohol to the point of passing out, she knew something had to be done. Her brother needed her. She wasn't oblivious to the fact that although they were close, he was never one to really tell her the whole story, as he always tried to protect her. Now it was her time to return the favor; to help him through the healing process, like he had done for her many years ago, even if the scenarios were different.

With the knowledge that Sam would be stuck at home for the next few days, Sarah decided she'd drive down early the next morning, and she would stay with him as long as he needed her. She knew he was stubborn, and would likely try to put up a front, but that would not be allowed to happen. She was determined to get him to open up, and would be there for him every step of the way.

* * *

Oliver had no idea how he was going to talk some sense into his best friend. He still had trouble wrapping his mind around everything that had happened over the last several weeks. Jerry's untimely death had been incredibly difficult, to say the least. He couldn't imagine what Sam must've felt, having been the one to find him, and knowing that if he had taken that lead instead of Jerry, things may have turned out much differently. He knew that Sam was blaming himself, and in his time of grief, he threw away the best thing to ever come into his life.

For weeks after Jerry's death, he knew Sam had put up even more walls around his heart, and closed himself off from the world. He saw his friend going through the motions of going from work to home, then back again, not speaking more than absolutely necessary.

Seeing Andy trying to be there for Sam had given Oliver some much needed hope. He believed that if anyone could help him through his grief, it would be her. When their relationship ended, everything seemed to spiral even further downhill.

Andy was like a daughter to him, and he hated that his friend's inability to cope was breaking her heart. Instead of them going through the difficult time together, Sam's foolishness forced them to go through it alone.

After seeing the state Sam had been in that morning, Oliver knew he had to do something to snap his friend back into reality. No matter how much crap had happened, he would not let his friend live like this, as it really wasn't living at all. As much as he knew Sam would fight him, there were some choice words to be said, and he would not leave until everything was out in the open. It was time for some tough love, and he was the only one who could give it.

* * *

Before Sam knew it, there was a knock at the door. He made his way over, and greeted Oliver who stood in the doorway with bags of Chinese takeout. Oliver made his way to the living room and turned on the TV to some sports channel, while Sam headed to the kitchen to grab drinks.

They both dug into the cartons of food, eyes fixed on the TV screen, putting off the real reason for the night's get-together. Sam could tell that Oliver was trying to test the waters to see if he'd get either the silent treatment or his head ripped off for what he was going to say. After talking casually about work and the latest teenage antics of Izzy, the elephant in the room was finally addressed.

"So… Want to talk about missing shift today?" Oliver asked hesitantly.

"Not really," Sam replied. As much as he wasn't ever in the mood for sharing his feelings, he didn't want to willfully admit how badly he had screwed up, especially after his drinking binge.

"Would you rather talk about how you were completely wasted this morning?"

"Nope," was all that Sam would say, hoping his friend wouldn't give him a hard time. Even with his hangover, he had managed to make some important life decisions, but he wasn't sure he was willing to share them all with his friend just yet.

"Okay. So you don't want to talk, I will. This is not you, Sam. You don't get this drunk and miss work without even phoning in. I mean, yeah, we've all had our moments when we got carried away at poker night, and the next day sucked so bad that we let the rookies drive, but when did you ever drink so much by yourself that you could barely move in the morning?"

Sam knew he was in for it now. He could only suck it up and take whatever was thrown his way.

"I get that you're hurting that Jerry's gone. Hell, I am too. But this is not the way to deal with it. Pushing McNally away is not the way to do it either. Drinking yourself to death is definitely not going to solve anything. I don't know what exactly is going on with you, but you need to figure it out, and you need to deal with it, or it will eat you alive. I'm here for you, brother. I hope you know that."

"Yeah, I know," he replied. Everything that his best friend said was spot on.

He could see Oliver's eyebrows shoot up, a speechless expression full of shock set on his face. He knew that his friend was not expecting him to agree so easily, hell, he was just as surprised.

"Sammy, tell me what's going on," his voice softer than the shouting tone it had been moments before.

Sam sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. _'I guess it's a good a time as ever to tell him everything. It surely can't get any worse than it already is.'_

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he gave as honest of an answer as he could. "I screwed up. Again. Yesterday when Andy was holding the bomb, it finally hit me that ending things with her was the biggest mistake of my life. Seeing that she could've died right there in front of my eyes, I had to tell her the truth. I told her that I loved her." He closed his eyes and let his head fall back onto the top of the sofa.

"Okay, so that's good right? Why did you get drunk last night?" He could see the confused expression on Oliver's face. Of course if any other 'normal' person told the woman they loved how they felt, things would've been perfect. Sam was definitely not that person, and when things got uncomfortable, he didn't act rationally.

He looked to the floor and hesitantly continued the story, knowing the worst was yet to come, and he was likely to get another tongue-lashing. "Uh, well, when we got back to the station, I tried to talk to her again, and well, I kind of said something dumb, and she left."

A slap on the back of the head brought his gaze from the floor to look directly into the pair of green eyes beside him. "Idiot! You finally get your head out of your ass and admit your feelings, and then you ruin things again. I have a feeling that this isn't the end of it. What else happened?"

"Yeah, there's more," he sighed, hanging his head down once more. "I ran after her, and I tried to tell her that I'd do anything I could to have another shot with her. I told her I'd take out her garbage, cook her dinner, and walk her dog, even if she doesn't have a dog yet. After that, I asked her to meet me for a drink, and she never showed. I guess she didn't believe me that time, and I can't blame her."

He paused to collect his thoughts, shaking his head at everything he had done. "I really screwed it up this time, Ollie. I dumped her, ignored her, and told her I loved her in a life or death situation. When that was all over, I made some dumb remark that only made things worse. Right after the words left my mouth, I wished I could've taken them back, so I tried to make things right, but I think it was just too much of an emotional rollercoaster."

He looked over at his friend with a look of sheer hopelessness.

"As much of a dumbass I think you are, I know she loves you, and she saw something good in you. She brought out that good in you. You have to man up. Win her back. You have some serious groveling to do, but if you're serious, and I mean definitely, one hundred percent serious, then you do whatever it takes to make things right with her. But if you hurt her again, so help me, I will… Well, I don't know what I'll do, but you better not hurt her again. She deserves better than that!"

"Thanks. I just really don't know what to do. I don't know where to start. I've screwed things up so badly that nothing really seems like it could begin to fix what I've done."

"Well, you have to start somewhere, and you need to talk to her. I know you're a man of few words, but she needs to hear it from you that you're serious about this. You can't use jokes to lighten the mood. If you joke one more time, it'll be over for good. How about you bring her dinner tomorrow, along with a plate for me too, since I'm helping your sorry ass out here. She's supposed to be on shift tomorrow night right?"

He chuckled at that last comment. Leave it to Oliver to bring up food in any situation. "I guess that's not a bad idea, since I did say I would make her dinner. And I wouldn't let you starve, so I'll bring you some too. Thanks, Ollie."

"Anytime, brother. Anytime." With a brotherly smack on the shoulder, they said his goodbyes, with a reminder from Oliver of dinner tomorrow night.

* * *

I feel that both Sam and Andy made some bad decisions, but we'll see where that will leave them. As in the show, Oliver is, and always will be a McSwarek shipper. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think. Thanks!


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you, Sairs J for your help in editing the chapter.

For those of you who have read and responded, thank you!

I'd like to share a little bit of what is going through my mind when I'm writing this story in hopes that things may make more sense, since everyone has their own interpretation on what exactly everything means. First, it is not my intention to take Sam or Andy's side, as I feel that they have both made some unwise choices, no matter what led up to their decisions.

I feel that Andy's issues likely stem from her mother's departure and her father's alcoholism, which appear to cause insecurities that lead her to making choices that aren't always for the best in the long run. I don't think her character is doing it on purpose to hurt anyone, but her longing for a sense of security and her "different" ways of thinking seem to take over at times, and do not always lead to a great outcome.

For Sam, I am using the story of his father in Maplehurst and the toolshed story as true for his character. I can see where his self-preservation comes from, along with his tendency to keep an emotional distance. With that in mind, I can understand why he hadn't been able to verbalize his feelings until the time he did (although I don't agree, but that's the way his character is), and why he tried to joke when things got a little too serious for comfort.

In a "perfect" scenario, both Sam and Andy would've made better decisions from the start, but if they did, where would the drama and excitement in all of it be, right?

On another note, I love Oliver's words to Andy, "You and Sam were great. You always will be." I like to think that he knows how everything occurred (I would assume he would've either figured it out, or would've "tricked" Sam into talking, like he did at the cabin in Season 4), but no matter what had happened, he knows how good they are together, despite all their faults.

I am still unsure if Marlo will ever make an appearance in this one, but I am considering it, and how she would fit into the story. All the characters will be a little different from how we know them to be on TV, but that's the fun in fiction, right? Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

After tossing and turning for over an hour, Andy decided to get out of bed. The thought of mindless infomercials brought out a small yawn as she settled on the sofa, pulling her legs beneath her. When she reached out to grab the remote sitting on the coffee table, she spied her crossword puzzle book that held her notebook secretly tucked inside. A memory from many years ago popped in her mind.

It was lunch recess, and a twelve-year-old Andy McNally sat in Mrs. Jones' class, eating a sandwich while reading a book. Things had been tough since her mother left, and she found she was able to escape from the harsh reality of life by hiding out in her favorite teacher's classroom.

"Andrea, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine, Mrs. Jones."

That was her typical response. Everyone else in her life would take her word for it, or wouldn't even bother to ask, but Mrs. Jones knew better. On several occasions, her teacher had tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to get her to open up, but her heart was too guarded to trust anyone. She appreciated the concern the woman had shown her, but still could not find it in herself to share the pain, rejection, and abandonment she felt on a daily basis.

"You know, it's okay if you aren't fine at times. I know you don't like to let your guard down, but sometimes it does help to talk things out. Maybe if you don't feel comfortable talking out loud to someone just yet, consider writing out your thoughts in a journal. You may find it to be therapeutic and eye opening," her teacher suggested during one of the many lunch periods Andy spent in her classroom.

Mrs. Jones was right. With her mother out of the picture, Andy felt she had to keep it together to make sure the family she had left wouldn't crumble to pieces. Her Dad was visibly upset by her mother's choices. Sometimes she would find him passed out on the couch, other times, he wouldn't even come home until early in the morning, having stayed the entire night out drinking. Instead of sorting through and acknowledging her feelings, Andy found it was easier to just ignore them, and act like nothing was wrong.

"Uh… okay. Thanks. Maybe I'll give that a try someday," she responded, trying to sound more assuring that she felt.

* * *

The young Andy didn't know how a diary would help anything, so she never bothered to listen to the advice. She wondered how that specific lunch period crossed her mind at this exact moment. Knowing she had absolutely nothing to lose at this point, she grabbed her notebook and a pen, and let her mind drift off. She was surprised at how fast the words appeared on the page. Her allergy to silence apparently applied to both written and verbal communication.

_I hate the fact that I can't sleep, and that when I do, I'm plagued with nightmares. I understand that Sam was going through a tough time, and I had honestly tried to move on after he made it crystal clear that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. I wanted him to come to his senses, but waiting around for him to change his mind hurt more than I can even express. I thought that that was what he really wanted, and I had no choice but to let him go. _

_When I was holding the grenade, I could see it in his eyes that he was worried that he'd lose me. I never expected that he'd choose that point in time to tell me he loved me. I didn't know what to think. I still don't. Part of me rejoiced at the fact that he was finally opening up to me. The other part of me was unsure of everything. I didn't know if it was something he said because it was some heat of the moment thing, something that he didn't really mean. But maybe a life and death situation snapped him into telling me how he really felt. As for what I felt about him, of course I still loved him, but I was beyond hurt at how he had treated me. I wished for things to be simpler, but simply forgetting the past wasn't simple at all. I had no idea if he even wanted anything to change between us. _

_When we were in the locker rooms, I figured he'd tell me what he was really thinking and feeling, since he had a lot to say earlier in the day. We both needed to know where we stood, but I had hoped for too much. I expected him to taking things seriously, but I was wrong. '206 bones in the human body.' I definitely did not expect that. Then he ran after me, and I didn't know what to do. The next thing I knew, I was leaving for the taskforce. Did he really mean it? Did he intend to keep any of his promises? _

Holding the pen in her hands, tapping it on the paper in front of her, the words Sam spoke to her about doing everything to get her back replayed in her mind. It was then that it finally hit her. He really did mean everything he said. They had hit an extremely rough patch after Jerry, but his actions throughout their entire relationship since the day they met, minus the last few weeks, had proved that he loved, no, loves her. The pain she felt had clouded her judgment and kept her from seeing what should have been so obvious. While she was selfishly dealing with her broken heart, she failed to acknowledge that Sam had only been trying to manage his own hurt as well. She knew he never said those three words to anyone else before, so she should have tried to give him a chance to explain himself, no matter what. She refused to give Sam that opportunity, and she left.

_Oh. My. God. I'm my mother. No, I'm worse than my mother. What have I done?_

Andy dropped the notebook and pen beside her on the couch, and buried her face in her hands. Tears streamed down her face at the harsh realization before her. She became the person she swore she would never be, and there was no taking that back.

When she left for Temagami while they were suspended, she still broke the rules and managed to contact him to at least let him know where she was going, and why she had to leave. Her intention was to keep both of their jobs safe, even though he hadn't seen it the same way. This time, she said absolutely nothing, and disappeared into the night.

She cried for Sam, and for being the one to walk away. He finally admitted his feelings, even if it had been in an unconventional way, but expressed them nonetheless, and she didn't bother to say anything in return. She cried for the hurt she knew he would likely be feeling, knowing that she was the one who would be inflicting it. Sam never opened up to anyone, and the one time he finally did, she let her own self-preservation, pride, and stupidity take over. She cried for what she had become, ashamed of herself. She was well aware of the fact that Sam had been grieving, and instead of putting up a fight, she gave up. When she should've waited for him, giving him some time and space, she pushed him because she didn't like time and space.

She desperately wished she could tell Sam how truly sorry she was, but she knew that wasn't an option. The only thing she could do right now was to focus on the op, get back in one piece, and make things right. She could only hope that whenever it was that she returned, it wouldn't be too late. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, so she decided that writing it all out would have to suffice, as she had no idea when she would be able to speak these words to him, and she didn't want to forget any of it.

Picking the notebook back up, she began to write to the man she loved with all of her heart. Her tears were not falling as heavily, but still managed to fall onto the pages before her, causing some of the ink to run down the lined pages.

_Sam,_

_I'm so sorry that I left. I made you promise that you wouldn't leave without a fight, and I'm the one who did. "I'm sorry" doesn't even begin to describe anything, but I am. I am so, so sorry, Sam. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I can only hope that one day you will find it in your heart to do so. _

_I have many things to apologize for, the biggest one, being that I walked away. Even with the day we had, it was still no excuse to leave how I did. It shouldn't have happened like that. I should have found some way to let you know something, anything. _

_Taking this op at all was a complete mistake. I had approached Luke before shift yesterday, and had wanted to be a part of the op to escape from everything. It really hurt to have you not be a part of my life, and I desperately wanted a change of scenery. I asked to be in on this mission for all the wrong reasons. _

_I foolishly thought you really wanted out of our relationship, but I was blinded by my own selfishness. I should have realized that you just needed some space, and I should've given you that. I made the mistake of trying to move on when that was the last thing I should've done. Even if we really weren't able to be more than friends, I told you I loved you, and that should've meant that I would never abandon you, ever. If I had lived out those words, it would have meant having your back, even if only as a friend. I realize that loving someone means being there when it matters, and I wasn't. _

_When you said all those things to me yesterday, telling me how you really felt, I didn't know how to interpret them. At the time, I wasn't sure if you meant it. Instead of overthinking things like I usually do, I shut down completely, blocking out your words, and until now, I didn't realize the magnitude of your confession. I can see now that the words you spoke were directly from your heart. I was so stupid to doubt that. _

_I know I've messed up big time. This is the screw up of all screw-ups; I realize that now. I can't ask you to wait for me, obviously for one, because you can't read this now, and also because even if you could, that wouldn't be fair. I've hurt you deeply, and I can't expect you to overlook that. _

_Please know that I love you. I will always love you. No matter what, I want you to be happy. Selfishly I want that to be with me, but if you find it with someone else, I understand. What I did was unforgivable, and I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness, and even more than that, your love. _

_I can only hold on to hope that whenever this op is done, we can have our shot at being normal. I promise that if you give me another chance, I will never run again, and I will do everything to show you how much I love you. _

_Always,_

_Andy_

* * *

Thanks for reading. If you have a moment, please let me know what you think. Have a great day.


	10. Chapter 10

Sairs J, thanks so much for looking over another chapter. I appreciate all your advice and encouragement!

For those of you who have left a comment, thanks so much for doing so. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read what I've written. I hope you'll stick around for the chapters to come. It may seem depressing and hopeless, but I promise, things will get better, as I am a sucker for happy endings.

Andy was definitely hard on herself in the last chapter, but I think that with everything she worked out in her mind and on paper, it will be for the best in the long run. As for Sam, he did come to some conclusions too, but he obviously hasn't responded in the same way as Andy, which is to be expected, due to their personality differences.

We are still just in the beginning stages of them figuring out what's going on within themselves, so don't give up yet. I think that they were both holding back in their own way, and in order to move forward, they need to recognize things that need to be changed.

I don't want to give too much away, but feel free to PM me if you have questions or anything you'd want clarified.

* * *

For the second day in a row, Sam woke up to knocking at his front door. He slowly made his way to the door, and was completely surprised to see his sister standing on the other side.

"Hey Sammy," Sarah greeted, as she stepped through the doorframe and pulled her brother into a hug.

"Uh… Hi Sis," Sam replied, utterly confused as to why his sister showed up at his doorstep unannounced. "Not that I'm not glad to see you, but what brings you by? Is everything okay?"

He pulled back from the hug to meet his sister's gaze. Her eyes were filled with many emotions that he had a difficult time reading her, which unnerved him. She simply answered, "Oliver called."

"Oh…" was all that managed to escape from his mouth. When she said those words, he knew exactly why she was there. Oliver had called his sister, knowing that she was one of the very few people that were brave enough to knock some sense into him when necessary, and would be there to comfort him, even though he would never admit that he needed it.

The fact that Oliver called his sister didn't make him particularly happy, as he never wanted to burden her, but he knew his friend was only trying to help. He had to admit that he hadn't been in a good place lately, and being found completely wasted was probably the last straw.

Sam followed his sister to the sofa where he knew the questioning would begin. Sarah was never one to beat around the bush, and would always tell it like it was. She was the type of person that could be sympathetic with you, but she was also one to set you straight if need be. He figured he'd be getting a little bit of both today.

"I know you hate talking about anything personal, so for now you're going to listen. Oliver told me everything." He let out a loud sigh, which caused his sister to pause for a moment. "Sammy, I'm really sorry about Jerry. I know he was the brother you never had, and I'm sorry that you're grieving."

He felt her grab his hand, giving it a light squeeze as she continued. "I love you more than anything, so I'm going to be completely honest with you. I'm not going to sugar coat things because you and I both know that won't do any good. We've both been through more than enough to know that life is far from fair. We were dealt a very bad hand with our parents, and with the things we had to experience in childhood were things I would never wish upon anyone. The thing is, you were the one to help me through it. After my attack, you wouldn't allow me to shut you out. You made me talk, even if it wasn't easy, because you knew that was the only way I could heal. So right now, I'm returning the favor. You are the most stubborn person I know, so you can try to deflect all you want, but I will not be giving up on you. That said, anything you'd like to share?"

Sam sat looking at his sister with his mouth slightly open. The confidence she had was remarkable, and he was so proud of what she had overcome. He knew that she was right. It would be entirely hypocritical of him keep things to himself, when years ago, he had been the one to force her to talk about her traumatic experience. '_Damn. She's right.'_

Knowing that any attempt at making excuses would be completely futile, he figured he'd have to say something. "Sar, I honestly don't even know where to start. I'm sure Oliver told you everything he knows. Everything is a mess, and I don't know how to make things right again."

"How about you start from the beginning."

* * *

It was then that Sam realized that he had nothing to lose in telling his sister everything that had happened. She was no longer the fragile little girl that had been so broken. She was now a strong woman, who had been through hell and back, and now she was going to help him like he helped her.

Sam told her about losing Jerry, and breaking up with Andy because he didn't want to be in Traci's position one day, but that he wanted to say goodbye on his terms. He shared what occurred during the bomb scare, and how he had chosen that time to express his love to Andy. He went on to tell her about his stupid joke in the locker room, then how he sobered up and made a bunch of promises to her, asking her to meet him at The Penny, and how she didn't show up, which led to his idiotic decision to drink himself into oblivion.

"Wow…" was all Sarah could say. She was shocked, to say it simply.

Although they didn't talk much, when Sam did manage to call his sister, the conversation somehow managed to include Andy. At first, all Sarah knew was that she burned him, but after some time, it became obvious to her that his rookie meant a lot more to him than he would care to admit.

After everything that had transpired over the last several weeks, Sarah could only hope that it wasn't too late for her brother to make things right. Granted both her brother and his partner had made some bad decisions, but she felt that despite everything, they both loved each other, and she hoped that would be enough to see them through this storm.

"Yeah, I know. I screwed up. And now, it's too late," Sam said disappointedly.

"Okay, yes, you messed up big time. But maybe she just needed some time. Would you have shown up that night if you were in her shoes? Maybe if you show her you meant everything you said, in time she'll trust you again, and things will work out."

"I really don't know, Sarah. I get why she didn't show up, since I did kind of spring it on her. But I really don't know about her interest in giving us another try. You should've seen her... I broke her. She trusted me with her heart. She let me in, and I completely shattered her heart. I walked away when I promised her I wouldn't leave without a fight. Her mother did that to her. She walked out one night and never came back. And her dad chose the bottle over her. Recently he's been okay, but she had to grow up on her own. She doesn't trust people. But she had complete faith in me to be there when it mattered, and I left. I completely understand why she left. Who wouldn't leave me after the way I hurt her like I did?"

Saying all of it out loud made Sam feel even worse. Andy had been through so much, even before she met him, and then he made it even worse. He felt so ashamed. How could he have claimed to love her when he brought her so much heartache. He didn't deserve her. What kind of person could do that to someone they loved?

"Sammy, you made a mistake. But now you have a chance to make things right. Even though she didn't show up the other night doesn't mean it's over. If you really want her back, you're going to have to fight for her. Really fight to win her back. It's not going to be easy. But if you're serious about wanting another chance, I know you won't give up without a fight this time. You guys will have a lot to work through, but if you both meant that you love each other, it will work out in the end."

"Of course I want her back, but am I even worth her time? I've hurt her so badly. She deserves someone who would never hurt her like I did. I was selfish and cruel to her. She's this amazing woman, and I honestly don't deserve her," Sam said dejectedly.

"Making those bad decisions doesn't make you a horrible person. You are one of the most caring, loving, loyal people I know. You have put up walls around your heart to prevent yourself from getting hurt. Because of that, you've hurt Andy. Now you just need to show her how you really feel, and how you won't back away this time, no matter what happens. It won't be easy, since you've never been one to easily express your emotions, but you've got to give it a try. You can't just tell her that you love her; you really have to show her. How about you start with trying to make good on those promises you made to her, huh? Maybe start with making some of Grandma's secret family recipes?"

"Thanks, Sarah. Thanks for calling me on my crap, and for helping me get my head on straight. I know it's not going to be easy, but I promise this time I'm not going to give up without a fight. I'm going to prove to her that I do love her. And if she decides that it's truly not enough, at least I know I did what I could. And I love her enough to let her go. All I want for her is to be happy."

"That right there… That's love. Promising to fight for her, to prove to her that she is loved, but if she truly feels that it's not enough, you'd let her go. That, little brother, is true love. To put her needs before yourself. And because of that, I know it will work out."

* * *

The rest of the afternoon was spent with the Swarek siblings working together to make the dinner Sam had promised Andy, along with a plate for dear old Oliver.

Grandma Swarek's lasagna recipe took a little while longer than expected, so parade had already started by the time Sam walked through the station. He planned to wait outside the parade room doors, hoping to catch Andy on her way out to the cruiser. He had yet to peak his head in the doorway, so he didn't realize Andy was not there. While hearing the pairings for the day, his heart dropped when he heard 'McNally and Collins are on special assignment.' He knew what that meant.

The sadness was quickly replaced by anger. He was upset with himself for letting things get so far that she felt she had to escape. Sam knew that Andy hadn't been at all interested in the taskforce when it had first been announced months ago, so he knew that her applying was most likely due to their falling out. He knew her well enough to put the facts together. He hated that he caused her that much pain that she felt the only solution was to become someone else, working side by side with criminals, and putting her life directly in harm's way.

If he was to be completely honest, he was also mad at her for just up and leaving. He thought she would have at least have the decency to tell him to his face that she thought they were over, and that she didn't want to have that drink with him, but she hadn't even said a thing.

* * *

Oliver made it to parade with a lot of time to spare, and didn't give a second thought about not seeing Andy seated yet. She had always struggled with being punctual, so he figured she was running late as usual.

When Best started his speech, he started to get a little worried. Something in his gut didn't feel right. He wondered if maybe she had called for a personal day. _'Yeah, that's al it is. After everything that girl has been through, she deserves to take a personal day.'_

The moment Frank said, "McNally and Collins are on special assignment," Oliver nearly choked on the sip of coffee he had just taken.

'_Oh crap!'_ He shut his eyes tight, hoping that he hadn't heard right. He heard a low growl behind him, and turned around to see his best friend outside the door behind him.

Everyone knew what 'special assignment' meant, and Oliver's heart broke for his friend. Andy was gone, and who knew when she would be back, if she would be back. He had heard the rumors of how dangerous the taskforce was, and he could only hope that she would make it back in one piece. He hated seeing his friend in pain, and felt terribly for pushing him to try to do something nice for McNally when she wasn't even around anymore.

Before Best could finish with his usual 'serve and protect' line, Oliver hurriedly made his way out the door, pulling Sam along with him to the locker room, locking the door behind them. Thankfully it was a slow night, and the room was completely empty.

"Sammy, I'm so sorry. I had no idea she was leaving," his expression full of pain and regret.

Sam slammed down the containers of food he brought with him onto one of the nearby tables. If he had been in the presence of any of the rookies, they would have been shaking in their boots, but Oliver knew his friend just needed to let off some steam.

As expected, moments after the duo had entered the locker room, Sam's locker began to take a beating. Punch after punch was slammed into the metal door until Oliver had to stop him before bones were broken.

They sat on the benches in silence, both not really knowing what to say. There really weren't any words to make the situation any better.

After what seemed like hours, Sam was the first to speak. "I really thought that I'd have my chance to make it up to her. I was prepared to do everything to win her back, and now she's not even here. She's gone, and now I don't even have the opportunity to talk to her."

"I'm sorry, Brother. I had no idea the taskforce was even set to start yet. From what I heard, they weren't even supposed to select members for the team for at least a week."

Oliver hated seeing his friend like this. Sam and Andy had a difficult start from their beginning, but when they finally made their way to each other, it was obvious to everyone that what they had was something special. Seeing their relationship fall apart had been difficult to watch, knowing that both were pushing each other away, when they just needed to cling to one another for support.

* * *

Sam felt numb. He thought he would have a chance to at least attempt at fixing things, but that was not even an option now. He never let anyone get that close before, and the time he finally did open himself up, everything got complicated and messy. He hurt her. She hurt him.

He wanted a life with her, and all of it had slipped through his fingers. Before Andy, he thought his life was pretty good. He had a job that he enjoyed, and often went on special ops, which he found he was skilled at. When he wasn't infiltrating some dangerous gang, or posing as a drug dealer, he had some great friends that he considered family. He had a wonderful sister, whose daughters loved their Uncle Sammy dearly. His brother-in-law was a stand up guy who took care of his sister, and the family, to which he was entirely grateful. Even though he had more than enough to be thankful for, he always felt as though something was missing. All of that changed when Andy became a constant in his life, as his rookie, then as his partner on the job, and finally as his partner outside of work as well.

He finally realized that the relationships he had were the most important things in his life. All the things in the world didn't matter. Things could be replaced, but people, he knew all too well that they could be taken from you in a matter of seconds, and life would never be the same.

Although he hadn't ever expressed it, he missed Jerry more than he ever thought he would. He hadn't lost anyone close to him before, so he didn't know how to deal. Now that Andy appeared to be out of the picture as well, his heart physically hurt.

People had always considered him the brooding, angry, silent, badass UC guy, but on the inside he was no longer that person. It took him all this time to figure out what was important, but it appeared to be too late.

Both Sam and Oliver knew that there were no words that would make things any better or easier, and after a while, Oliver knew he had to get back to work. He thanked his friend for the food, and they went their separate ways.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment if you have a chance. Even though this chapter wasn't a happy one, I hope that YOU will have a GREAT day!


	11. Chapter 11

Sairs J, thank you so much for your honesty and encouragement. The initial version definitely needed a lot of editing, and I appreciate all of your help to make it better.

To everyone who has been reading the story, I'm sorry for the recent lack of updates. I'm hoping to get some ideas and chapters flowing.

Please leave a comment if you have a chance. Thanks!

* * *

A few weeks ago…

Luke sat at his desk, rereading the large file in his hands, even though every piece of information had already been burned into his mind. The facts were simple. Steven Malone was wanted for the distribution of illegal weapons and drugs. Those weapons were linked to death of two officers and five civilians in the past month.

He had no idea how he was supposed to get any officers undercover with the time frame he was given. The higher-ups were putting a lot of pressure to get something started, and soon. They were not going to allow any more innocent lives to be taken because of lack of evidence, and charges not being able to stick. Malone was not your average criminal. He was very careful, calculating, and deliberate in his actions, which made an undercover operation not only extremely difficult, but dangerous as well.

A beep on his computer screen snapped him out of his thoughts, indicating that a search had been performed on one of the people he was looking into. Someone had just run a check on Tom Adams, after picking him up for dealing to an undercover cop. Luke couldn't help but laugh at his newly found luck. He wondered if this would be what he needed to get to Malone.

_What an idiot! Let's just hope he's dumb enough to flip on his boss._

After Tom was brought to the station, Luke was able to get him talking in no time. Apparently having a baby that keeps you up all night can make even the most cautious criminals a bit sloppy, and apparently allows them to grow some sort of conscience too. It didn't take much to convince him to help two undercover officers get jobs with the intent of taking down Malone.

* * *

Present time…

As they stepped out of their front door, Nick reached for Andy's hand, giving it a little squeeze; a reminder that they were in this together.

"Babe, you ready to meet up with my buddy, Tom… See if he can get us some jobs?" he asked as they made their way down the street in the direction of the warehouse.

"Sure am, _Honey_," she teased as she knocked her hip with his, earning a chuckle in return. Even though she had another restless sleep, she was more than ready to find her way into the organization. The faster she made progress gathering intel, the quicker she'd be going home.

Before they knew it, they came across the brick building, with a large BTI Trucking sign on the front. They made their way inside the front doors, as they had been instructed. It had been transformed to look like an office space, and anyone else would've thought that there was nothing out of the ordinary going on, but they knew better.

The young woman, whose shiny nametag read Melissa, sat at the front desk was on the phone when they arrived. Once the call ended, she looked up at the new faces in front of her and smiled. "Good morning. How can I help you today? Are you looking to schedule a shipment?"

Andy smiled back at her and wondered if she had any idea what was going on at the other end of the warehouse. Nick replied, "Actually, we're here to meet Tom and Carl. They're expecting us."

The woman checked the appointment book in front of her, then moved her gaze right back to Nick. "Here it is. They have you penciled down for ten sharp. I'll let them know you're here. Feel free to have a seat, and I'm sure they'll be with you shortly." She nodded toward the row of chairs that were placed just to the side of her desk.

Andy thanked Melissa, and couldn't help but notice how she was unable to take her eyes off of Nick since they arrived. In a few minutes Tom made his way through the front doors and instructed them to follow him to the other entrance at the back of the building. The receptionist gave a flirty goodbye, waving to Nick, batting her eyelashes. "Have a great day. Hope to see you again real soon."

As they walked out the door, Nick wrapped his arm tightly around Andy and looked back at the naïve girl at the desk. "Thanks. Maybe we'll see you around."

Andy couldn't help the little laugh that escaped when they were outside. The look on the girl's face when he wrapped an arm possessively around her was priceless.

Upon entering the building for the second time that day, they were promptly introduced to Tom's immediate boss, Carl.

"Carl, I'd like you to meet my buddy, Nick, and his girl, Andy. They're the ones I was talking to you about."

* * *

Flashback

Tom was a ball of nerves. Just yesterday he was picked up for dealing to a cop, then was offered a deal if he would help get some undercover cops on the inside of Malone's operation. He recalled the blonde detective telling him something about "special circumstances," which would allow him to stay on the outside and even get time shaved off his sentence if he agreed to assist them in the investigation. Apparently the detective's bosses wanted Malone so bad that he'd be allowed to stay out of jail until the undercover cops completed their jobs. He didn't really understand everything that was going on, but he wasn't about to complain.

_What if this doesn't work? What if Carl doesn't even want to hire them? Get it together, Tom! _

Shaking the negative thoughts from his head, he walked into the warehouse trying to act as normal as possible. After convincing himself that it was better to just get it over with, he walked over to his boss' office.

"Hey Carl, you got a minute?" he asked, peeking his head into the office, the door having been left open.

"Sure. What's up?" motioning for him to let himself in, and take a seat.

'_It's like pulling off a bandaid. Make it quick_,' he thought to himself. "I know you mentioned you were looking to hire some people, since we're beefing up the business a bit, and I was wondering if you could maybe hook my friends up with some jobs."

"You do know that this isn't for the trucking company right? They'd be doing things like we do."

"Yeah, yeah. I know. They'd be okay with it."

After a little more back and forth, Carl was willing to give them a chance. They'd meet up in a few days, and if he liked them, they'd have the jobs.

* * *

Carl walked up to the couple and shook their hands firmly. "Nice to meet you both. Your friend here told me you both are kind of in a tight spot right now. Any friend of Tom's is a friend of ours, so we should be able to find you something pretty quickly."

Nick was first to speak up. "Wow… Thanks… You have no idea how much me and my girl appreciate this opportunity." He looked over at Andy and took her hand in his. "I'm not sure how much Tom has told you already, but we pretty much lost everything, and we really could use a fresh start."

"He did mention a little bit about your history. Tom informed me about what you guys were involved with in the past, and I'm sure he's shared a little about what we do here. You guys actually remind me of my wife and me about a decade ago." He paused as a slight smile spread across his face. He had been in a similar predicament before Steven helped him out, and now he had more than enough money to give his family everything they could ever wish for. He could see the way Nick looked at Andy. It was the same way he looked at his wife. He couldn't help but wonder if they'd get married and have a kid like he did.

* * *

Flashback

Carl walked into a sleazy bar near the apartment he shared with his girlfriend, and ordered the strongest, cheapest glass of alcohol they had. He was just fired from his job, and had no idea what he was going to do. That morning, his girlfriend, Macy, told him he was going to be a dad. He had been ecstatic, but in a matter of hours, so much had changed, and he had no way of providing for his growing family.

On the walk back to his apartment, with his mind muddled from the affects of the alcohol, he crossed the street without looking, and was nearly hit by a BMW turning the corner. Before he had time to process what had happened, the driver had leapt from the car to check he was okay. After Carl told him that medical treatment was not needed, the man insisted that he would at least give him a ride home. Eventually he conceded and accepted the ride. He told the driver about the events that led him to his current drunken state, and couldn't believe his luck when the driver, Steven, offered him a job. Carl accepted the position in the warehouse and hadn't looked back since.

* * *

"You must be really close buddies if he's told you as much as he did. In our line of work, we don't trust people easily. I'm sure you both know what I mean." He stopped to give them a knowing look. "So, if Tom is willing to take a chance on you, and has that much faith in you to do good work here with us, we'll see to it that you guys will get back on your feet in no time. Of course we'll have to check you out, just to be safe, but as long as things come back pretty clean, you can start in a day or two."

Andy was nearly jumping up and down at the news. "Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to us."

Carl chuckled at the girl's enthusiasm, and couldn't help but smile at her excitement.

"Thanks, Carl. I hope we'll hear back from you soon," Nick added politely, and a lot less animatedly.

"Don't thank me just yet. I still have to run a background check on the both of you. If everything looks okay, I'll have Tom give you a call."

They shook hands, said their goodbyes, and parted ways. Andy and Nick left the warehouse the same way they entered, hand in hand, keeping up appearances. As they separately ran the events back in their minds, they were both pleased that the meeting went as well as it did, and were glad that things were looking up.


	12. Chapter 12

Sairs J, you're the best!

To the regular readers (especially bacio4hope, llinalove57, linda p, and kate1701) and others who have left me a comment, thanks so much for sticking with the story. I hope this chapter won't disappoint.

I'd really appreciate any comments you'd like to leave. If you have just one extra moment to spare, please consider leaving a note.

To the new readers, I hope you like what you've read so far. There is much more to come.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!

* * *

Sam walked into his house and found Sarah was waiting for him in the dining room. As much as he wanted to hide it, he knew disappointment, hurt, and frustration were written all over his face.

"What happened?" she asked hesitantly, knowing by the look on his face that things did not go as planned.

He looked at the floor as he walked over to sit on the chair next to her. Letting out a loud sigh, "She's gone. She's on special assignment."

* * *

From all the times her brother had gone undercover, she knew what that term meant, and empathized for her brother. She felt terribly for pushing him to make things right with this girl, and now he didn't have a chance to even be rejected in person because she wasn't even around.

Thinking about what she could do, the words came flying out of her mouth before she could think twice.

"Pack a bag. You're going to spend some quality time with your nieces who adore you. I'm not taking no for an answer. Oliver said you have a few days off, so you are coming with me, even if it means I have to drag you by your ear!"

She couldn't help the smile that lit up her face. Her girls had the ability to cheer her brother up like no one else could, and she knew they would be ecstatic to see their Uncle. It had been too long since he last made a visit. Maybe a little time away could help him clear his head and figure out what his next move was.

* * *

He had to admit he was a bit shocked at his sister's suggestion, but knew she wouldn't let him get out of it. Truth was, he loved his nieces, and he figured they really would be able to bring a much needed smile to his face.

After packing some clothes and toiletries, they drove off, Sarah in her car, and Sam following behind her in his truck. It was decided that he would spend the rest of his days off in St. Catharines, then drive back on his own before his next shift.

* * *

As soon as he pulled up into Sarah's driveway, he could hear the squeals of Nicole and Katie. The five-year old twins were squirming in their father's arms, trying to get loose to greet their Mommy and Uncle. When the two were set down, they ran over to Sarah and Sam, who had bent down in anticipation to embrace them.

After many hugs and kisses were exchanged, they were all able to make their way into the house.

Sam greeted his brother-in-law Tim with a firm handshake and clap on the back. "Hey, Brother."

"Hey, Stranger. Thanks for bringing my wife back," Tim replied with a smile.

The girls were beyond excited to see their favorite, and only Uncle. They immediately begged him to play with them, to which he agreed, and he could feel the warmness slowly returning to his heart. Sarah had been right; these girls had something about them that turned his insides to mush, and for the first time in a long time, he was genuinely smiling again.

Before long, the three of them were set up with an exorbitant amount of paper and crayons on the kitchen table. The girls busied themselves with their art projects while Sam watched them contentedly. Katie finished her piece first. It was a brightly colored picture of Sam, Nicole, and herself standing by his big, silver truck. On the top of the paper, he read in her cute handwriting, "I love Uncle Sammy." He looked over at Nicole's paper when she handed it to him. Instead of a picture like Katie's, she decided to write a letter, which she read aloud. "Uncle Sammy, I missed you. Please visit more. You are the best. I love you."

Sam couldn't help but smile. His nieces were so precious, and he was so happy that Sarah had convinced him to drive over for a visit. He knew that this was what he needed to get his head on straight, and put things in perspective. Being with his family reminded him of what was important in life: relationships. He realized he wanted to be more involved in Nicole and Katie's lives, along with Sarah and Tim as well. He didn't want to live with the regret of missed moments like he had with Jerry.

Besides the conclusion Sam came to about spending his time more wisely, Nicole's letter gave him another idea.

"Do you girls want to help me draw a picture for my friend? I like her a lot and she is very special." He smiled when both girls nodded passionately. He wasn't sure how to say the next part, but figured the best bet was honesty. "You see, we got into a fight and she was really sad. I want to let her know I'm sorry and make her happy again."

Nicole, the more vocal one of the two, spoke up first. "Why did you get into a fight? Mommy said that fighting isn't good." Her innocent eyes looked directly into his, waiting for his answer.

He couldn't believe how smart they were. He was pretty sure he wasn't half as smart when he was their age. "Your mommy is right. I made a mistake and I want to show her that I'm really, really sorry."

The girls looked at each other before they responded. With a finger pressed to her temple, an idea popped into Katie's head. "When Daddy gets in trouble when he doesn't take out the trash, he brings Mommy flowers and says he's sorry. Maybe you should get flowers for your friend."

It was Nicole's turn to add to the wonderful suggestions. "One time Daddy bought Mommy a sparkly necklace in a pretty box, and he called her his Valentine. Mommy smiled a lot and called him her Cupid."

"Our teacher, Miss Kathy tells us to write a note and say we're sorry when we do something wrong. Did you do that for your friend?" Katie asked honesty; sincerity evident in each word she spoke.

Sam could feel his lips tug up at the words they spoke. The simple, yet very sweet advice he was getting from two five-year-olds was adorable, and he had to admit, it was pretty helpful too. He couldn't help but think of the old saying, 'out of the mouths of babes.'

Katie and Nicole busied themselves with drawing lots of pictures, while Sam grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen to start his note to Andy.

_McNally,_

_If you ever read this, you're probably going to question why I ever wrote this, since I'm not one for words. You would know, probably better than anyone, that as much as I like silence, I hate writing even more. You've experienced that first hand, since you've written about ninety-nine percent of my reports. Thanks for that, by the way._

_Let's just say that over the past few days, it's taken Jack Daniels, Oliver, Sarah, and Sarah's two five-year-old girls to finally knock some sense in to me. I'm sorry for hurting you, and for taking so long to realize how bad I've screwed things up. _

_I know you've taken the spot on the taskforce, and as much as it hurts to know you're gone, I'm proud of you. I've made a lot of mistakes, and I really wish I could tell you in person how sorry I am. _

_You were the best thing to ever come into my life, and it took losing you for me to see that. I always thought I'd only be Uncle Sammy, but with you, I've found I wanted more. I pushed you away after Jerry died, and more than anything, I want to take that decision back, but I can't. I've never dealt with losing a close family member or friend before, and I couldn't deal with it. I didn't know how to react, and I could not find it in myself to show anyone, even you, how much it was killing me inside. I saw how Traci was grieving, and I didn't want to be in her shoes if something happened to you. I didn't want you to be in her shoes either. I was a coward and instead of talking to you about it, I walked away. It was incredibly foolish of me to think that if we weren't together, losing you would be easier, since I would've walked away from the relationship on my terms. I was so wrong. _

_I remember when I promised to never leave without a fight. We had just finished shift, and you wanted to just sit, so there we were on the tailgate of my truck, eating apple flips together. You were talking about how you never wanted us to end, but if anything was to ever happen, you wanted us to work it out. I'm so sorry that I didn't stop to fulfill my promise. I did the exact opposite of what I vowed to you. _

_I know you won't be able to read this until you get back, and by the time you do, I'm not sure if I'll have the courage to give this to you, but I will wait for you. You are it for me. I see my future with you. I hope that we can have that drink when you get back. Words can't even begin to describe how much I am desperate for another chance to be with you. If you give me one last shot, I will do everything in my power to never let you down again. I know I've made a lot of bad decisions when it came to us, but I want us to work at it when things get tough. If we make another go at it, we're bound to mess up, but let's really fight this time. No matter how tough it gets, I am fully committed to working at it until we've fixed whatever it was that needed fixing. _

_I love you, Andy. When you get back, I'm going to show you just how much I do. I'm sorry that it took all of this for me to finally admit out loud how I've felt about you. I'm trying to have a little faith here that this is not the end. It's hard, but right now, it's all I can do to hold on. Our story isn't over._

_Love,_

_Sam_

_P.S. I guess when it matters, I can write, huh? That will not get you out of doing my paperwork, though. _

* * *

Sam was sitting in the living room while his nieces were playing outside. He was thinking about how the girls had given him wonderful ideas to help him apologize to Andy. He had finished his letter, and thought about their other suggestions. Flowers. Well, if he was going to get that for Andy, he would have to wait, since he had no idea how long she'd be gone, and it wasn't like he could call for it to be delivered, since she was somewhere unknown. The next item on the list: jewelry. He was absolutely clueless in that department.

Playful screams for Uncle Sammy came from the backyard. He chuckled as he made his way over to them, knowing how much he was wrapped around their fingers, even though he wouldn't have it any other way.

Nicole and Katie ran to grab their Uncle's hands, yanking him toward the swing set. "Uncle Sammy, can you push us in the swings? You are the best pusher. We want to go high!"

"Yeah Uncle Sammy. Push us super high! Please?!"

"Sure, but don't pull my arms so hard or they'll fall off. You girls are too strong!" Faking hurt, the girls just laughed at him.

"You're silly. We are not that strong. Come on, let's go!"

Sam spent the next hour or so playing with his favorite girls. He loved seeing the sweet dimpled smiles on both their faces. By the time they finished their outside activities, it was snack time. The twins looked at each other with mischievous looks in their faces. Katie nudged Nicole to bring up the suggestion. She batted her eyelashes and looked up at her Uncle with innocent eyes. "Uncle Sammy, we're really hungry. Can you take us for some ice cream? Pretty please?"

Oh boy, was he in trouble. How could he say no to them? He could not resist the dimples and the look they gave him. It reminded him of how Andy could get him to do pretty much anything with that irresistible expression on her face.

"Let's ask your Mom if it's okay. If she says yes, we can go get ice cream."

The girls squealed in delight. They raced each other back into the house to find their Mom. Sarah gave in knowing that it was an all around treat to have Sam back home, and they needed some spoiling from their Uncle. She also figured that with Sam and the twins out of the house, she could give Oliver a call and update him on the latest goings on with his best friend.

Sam and his nieces enjoyed their ice cream at a local ice cream parlor. Since it was still early, and dinner wouldn't be until a few more hours, he decided to take them walking around town, visiting the local shops. He was never a shopper, but the apparently Sarah passed on her love of shopping to her children. They were walking hand in hand, a small hand in each of his when he was stopped in his tracks. The girls tugged him back to the store they were just about to pass, St. Cat's Jewelers.

Sam didn't know how he would put it, but this was an expensive jewelry store. There weren't any toys or costume jewelry inside for them. "Nicole, Katie, this store is for adults. They won't have things for cute little girls like you two. I don't think there's anything to buy for anyone here."

Both girls giggled. At the same time they said, "Your friend needs sparkles!"

Sam was going to have a talk with his sister that night. He would be teasing her about how she taught them to guilt trip their Dad into buying what they called "sparkles." He knew she wouldn't do that, but he would definitely hold it over her head for a while.

Knowing that he was completely clueless when it came to things like this, he figured getting a little help wouldn't hurt. "Okay then. Let's go get her some sparkles."

They looked around the store together, making faces in the reflections on the display cases, and drooling over the particularly shiny stones. They were almost about to give up when all three of them saw it at the same time. It was a simple white gold, open-heart pendant with a small diamond on the side, on a white gold chain. The girls' eyes widened and they nearly screamed, "That's it!" Sam went ahead with the purchase and they made their way home.

The rest of his days off were relaxing and refreshing. He had a hard time leaving when it was time for him to head back to Toronto for work. With promises to visit more often, he bid them farewell, and started the long journey home.


	13. Chapter 13

As always, Sairs J is absolutely wonderful, sacrificing her time and energy to look over this chapter before I posted it. Take a look at her amazing stories. She's a very gifted writer!

To those who have commented, I appreciate you taking time to do so.

I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. Please leave a comment if you have an extra second. Have a great weekend!

* * *

Andy sat at the dining room table, scrunching up her face in utter boredom, tapping her fingers to some random beat in her head. There wasn't much to do except to wait around for Tom to call, telling them they had the job. They had a scheduled meeting with Luke in a couple hours, but at that moment, it seemed like days away, with time passing so incredibly slowly. Daytime TV was awful, especially since the department hadn't sprung for any of the good channels. She had already scrubbed every surface in the apartment. It was so clean that you could eat off the floor. With all the extra time on her hands, it was just too easy to overthink anything and everything.

She headed to the bedroom and pulled out her notebook from underneath her side of the mattress. As hesitant as she had first been to write down her innermost thoughts, she had to admit that it had been helpful to get some things off her chest. After grabbing her notebook, she plopped down on the bed, turned to a blank page, and began to write what came to mind.

_Sam,_

_I really hope that you'll read this someday. Once this op is over, I would like to share this with you, and hope that I don't lose my nerve to do so. As I've said in my last letter, I can't, and I don't expect you to forgive me after everything, but all I can do right now is have faith that we will have the opportunity to start over. I'm trying hard to cling to that dream, because right now, that's all I can do to keep my head on straight._

_I'm really trying to keep focused, which has been pretty hard to do. Everything I come across reminds me of you. Come to think of it, you'll actually get a kick out of this… So, you know how you always say that I have an allergy to silence? Well, guess who is currently the voice in my head, and won't shut up. If you guessed that it's you, then you'd be right. The other day, the words you said the night we played Gabe and Edie came to mind. I even used some of your questions from that night on Nick. I hope you know how much I appreciate all of the knowledge you've passed on to me. I am so thankful to you for training me the way you did. Although I'm no Ernie or JD, I'm glad that I was taught by them (YOU are the best!). Apparently as long as I'm not a hooker, I can be convincing._

_I don't know if you realized this, and I hadn't until right now, but it seems like whenever either one or two of us are involved in a UC in some way, things tend to go off course, to put it nicely. I know I can't forget the day we met, no matter how much I would've wanted to change history for being involved in ruining eight long months of your life. _

_The hooker sting was absolutely pathetic on my part, and the stunt Dov and I pulled afterward, well, that was beyond stupid. _

_When you were Gabe, and things took a turn for the worst, I had never run so fast (in hooker heels) in my life. I knew I had to do something to save you. The thought of losing you wasn't an option. _

_Then there was Brennan. Although I wish things could have gone differently so that you wouldn't have been hurt, I am glad that out of everything bad that had happened, it gave me you. I remember saying that JD was a perfect gentleman, but I hope you know that I really meant YOU. The time I spent being yours were the best times of my life. Even though you never said those three words until a few days ago, in my time with you, I've never felt more loved and more known._

_I can never apologize enough for walking away. I know I deserve all this hurt in my heart, as I'm the one who caused it. Sam, I am so sorry. I wish I could turn back time. More than anything, I wish I wouldn't have turned my back on you when you were trying to tell me how you felt, and were struggling to do so. It was horrible of me to question if you meant what you said. Granted, you probably could've left out the Grey's Anatomy bit, but I should've seen through it all, and should have known better. _

_After this letter, I'm really going to try to move forward. No matter how many times I apologize, it will never be enough, so I'll save them for when I actually get to see you. I'm going to do my best to complete this job as efficiently and successfully as possible, and in a timely manner. I want to do it well, hopefully enough to make you proud, at least from a T.O. standpoint (hopefully more), and I also want to get back and attempt to make things right with you. _

_I hope that you're doing well, considering… everything. I know I definitely didn't help things, but I really want you to be okay. Even though my words don't mean much, I need you to know that I love you. From the deepest part of my soul, I love you, and I would give anything in the world to show you how sorry I am and try to fix what I broke between us. I want to show you that I will never let you down again, that I will be there for you in every way, shape, and form for as long as you'll let me. You also know how stubborn I can be, so even if you push me away, I'll still be there to have your back whenever you need it. I will not give up on you. Even if things cannot go back to the way they were (as much as I want it to), I will never walk away again. _

_Always,_

_Andy_

She shoved her notebook under her pillow, and pulled the blankets up over her head, letting out a huge sigh. She hated that she screwed things up so terribly. All she wanted to do was catch a cab to Sam's and pour her heart out to him, but she knew she couldn't for many reasons. She would not allow her feelings to put him in any potential danger. The job at the warehouse was not one hundred percent theirs yet, but with Malone running the business, there was no telling if his goons were already keeping tabs on them.

_Stay positive, Andy. You love Sam, and he loves you back. _

Rubbing her hands over her face, and burying herself deeper into her pillow, she sighed yet again before continuing her internal monologue.

_Let's just hope that love will be enough to see us through. _

After tossing around a bit in bed, the covers still pulled tightly around her, an idea popped into her head. Suddenly, Andy flew the blanket off and onto the floor, and dashed around the room to change from her pajamas. As she ran past Nick in the living room on her way out the front door, she managed to yell out a short goodbye.

"I'm making a quick run to the store. Be back in a flash."

She ran out of the door so quickly that she didn't even hear his response; the door had already closed before any words were able to leave his mouth.

* * *

Bounding down the steps from her apartment, Andy practically sprinted to the market. She knew exactly what she needed, and headed toward it like her life depended on it.

She grabbed a paper bag and placed a few apple flips inside. Never in her life was she so thankful to have a bakery in a supermarket. Now that the first part of her plan was complete, it was on to the next phase. Before she headed back to her apartment, she grabbed a few other snacks so Nick would think she was just on some sort of sugar binge, something that she did more often than she would like to admit. According to Nick, her addiction to sugary treats was worse than some hyper elementary school child.

Once she made it back to her apartment, she threw some of Nick's favorite snacks at him while he was watching some lame show on TV. It looked like he hadn't moved a bit since she left him there. Thankful that he appeared to be engrossed in whatever was on, she grabbed a pen and wrote a short message on the inside flap of the apple flips bag. The only person who would be able to see the note would be the one to open it. She wasn't sure how they'd react, but wrote the note anyway.

She folded the top of the bag over her note, taped it closed, and carefully placed it in her purse. With her fingers mentally crossed, she started to get ready for the meeting with Luke.

* * *

Note: Can you figure out who the apple flips are for? What do you think the note will say? Hint: can you figure out the _story_ behind why the apple flips may be significant? Leave a comment and tell me what you think!


	14. Chapter 14

To the awesome Sairs J, thank you for reading and editing this over before I posted it.

bacio4hope, mon21, linalove57, linda p, kate1701, stefrosacarnevale: It is because of your comments that I decided to post this chapter now, rather than later.

I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. Leave a comment if you can. Have a great day!

* * *

Sam was feeling refreshed, having woken up from one of the best night's sleep that he's had in a while. His time off spent in St. Catharines had put things into perspective for him, and he was ready to make a positive change in life. Even though things weren't exactly how he wanted them to be, he felt like he was finally seeing everything a little clearer. He knew he wanted and he wasn't going to mess things up again.

He wanted so badly to have an opportunity to talk to Andy, but he would not do anything to put her safety on the line. He remembered how badly things had turned out the last time they went directly against protocol.

The time they spent as JD and Candice had been unconventional, to say the least, but that was how they began, as abnormal as it was. In spite of the fact that he ended up being taken hostage and tortured by Jamie Brennan, he didn't regret that time with Andy. At the end of the day, he would always be thankful that she had been safe. He would gladly go through all that pain again if it meant that she was the one who remained unharmed.

Somehow in the course of the few days he had spent with his nieces, he had become more aware of little things he could do in attempt to show Andy his love. Some of the ideas were directly from Nicole and Katie, but he also began to think of a few of his own, which popped up at the most random times.

Sam didn't know how it came to him, but before he knew it, he had a plan. He was a man on a mission, and needed to hurry out the door if it all was to be set in motion today.

His first stop was to the bus station where he purchased a one-way token. The next place he pulled up to was a coffee shop close to the station. He knew that this particular shop sold a variety of fruit juices. He bought himself a coffee and a bottle of grapefruit juice to go.

Knowing that he didn't have a whole lot of time left, he quickly made his way to the barn, changed into his uniform, and found a seat in parade. He left the seemingly random items in his locker where they would stay for the time being.

After Best finished the announcements with giving out the pairings for the day, Sam practically ran to the locker room, grabbed the juice and bus token, and hurried right back out. He didn't stop to see Oliver's confused face after he almost knocked his dear friend over.

* * *

Luke sat at the desk in his office getting some information together before the meeting he was to have with Andy and Nick later that day. Yesterday had been the meet between his UC officers, their informant, and his boss. As far as he knew, things had gone smoothly, and they were about to discuss what was to come, making sure that all of their bases were covered, and everything was taken care of.

A knock on his door brought his attention off his current thoughts and he was completely surprised to see the person who was waiting in his doorway.

* * *

Sam stood outside of Luke Callaghan's door and waited until he was motioned to enter. As much as they didn't care for each other, Sam was thankful for his advice at the bar regarding Andy, and he knew that he had to at least be civil, as he was about to ask him for a huge favor.

He stepped through the door and decided to put it all out there before he came to his senses and backed out. He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for what was to come.

"Callaghan, first off, I want to say thanks for the advice you gave me. I know it couldn't have been easy, seeing as I said something along the same lines when Andy was with you." He looked at the Detective, who gave him a silent nod in return, and continued with his speech.

"I know that you chose Andy for the position on your taskforce, and I get that I waited until it was too late to tell her the things that I needed to. I know I have no right to ask you this, but if you would please consider what I'm about to ask of you, I'd really appreciate it."

Sam's insides were turning at the fact that he was asking Callaghan for help. He would've rather gotten a tooth pulled, but this was for Andy, and for her, he would do absolutely anything. With all of the realizations he came to over the past few days, he knew that he would move Heaven and Earth for her if she simply asked.

He placed the bottle of juice and the bus token on the empty space on Luke's desk. "I know this is a lot to ask, but if it is at all possible, could you have her handler give this to her?" He waited for the response, mentally crossing his fingers, toes, and even his eyes in hopes that he would get the answer he wanted, the response that he desperately needed.

* * *

Note: They say great minds think alike, right? Can you figure out the significance of those items? Any idea of what's going to happen next?


	15. Chapter 15

Thank you, Sairs J, for taking time out of your busy schedule to edit this chapter. You are awesome!

Thank you to those of you who are reading, following, and have made this story one of their favorites. It means a lot. I apologize for not posting this chapter sooner. I will likely post once weekly, so keep a look out for new chapters.

Please leave a comment if you have a moment to spare. I hope you enjoy this update. Have a great weekend!

* * *

Andy and Nick arrived early to the location where they would be meeting Luke. She made it clear that they needed extra time in case they had to take some detours in the event they were being followed. They made their way to an empty booth near the back of the hole-in-the-wall diner facing the front entrance. Every possible exit had been identified the moment she stepped into the building. In the event things went south, she would make sure they had a way out.

She slid into the booth, followed by Nick, who wrapped his arm securely around her shoulder, to which she gave a small smile in response. The affection was to be expected, since they had to keep up with their new identities. They were playing a young couple in love, but she couldn't help but wish the arm that currently sat atop her shoulders belonged to Sam.

When their waitress arrived, Andy ordered fries and a chocolate milkshake for herself; a chocolate one for Luke, while Nick ordered vanilla. By the time their order arrived, Luke was just taking his seat across from them.

* * *

Luke chuckled seeing Andy immediately dig into the fries, dipping them into her shake. Back when they were living together, she would always attempt to get him to try it, but he just couldn't.

"I never could understand how you loved that combination so much," he said as a laugh escaped his lips. He smiled internally at the happy memory the scene in front of him brought to mind.

She tried to express mock indignation, but that had initially proved much harder than anticipated, as her mouth was full of fries and milkshake. "What? This culinary genius, I'll have you know. You never wanted to try it, and you've only missed out."

"Okay. Whatever you say," shaking his head, and earning an eye roll in the process. "Thanks, by the way, for ordering for me. Chocolate is my favorite." The slight smile she sent Luke's way told him that she indeed remembered. The almost imperceptible hint of sadness in her eyes made his heart drop. Still, even after everything that happened between them, she still cared enough to remember his favorite flavor milkshake. He hated that his mistake with Jo cost him the relationship he had with the most amazing woman he had ever met, and would likely ever meet.

Snapping himself from the momentary trip down memory lane, he decided to get to the reason they were meeting in the first place. "How's the job search coming? Anyone give you guys a call back yet?" He played it casual, not asking flat out if their mark had bought their cover stories, and if they were officially in. To any outsider, they looked like good friends hanging out and catching up on life.

"We should hear back by tomorrow, but everything seemed to have gone pretty smoothly," Nick added, a tone of slight irritation in his voice. Andy hadn't seemed to notice it, but Luke definitely picked up on it. He was a detective, after all. He could see the way Nick looked at Andy, the way his arm was possessively wrapped around her body, and wondered what exactly was going on between the two of them.

They talked a bit more, and throughout their meeting, Luke could see that Nick was definitely not only playing a part. He had real feeling for his partner, which worried him. When he chose the pair for the taskforce, he hasn't considered it being a problem, and at this point, he could only hope it would benefit their case.

After secretly passing them some extra cash and scheduling another meeting in a week, they were pretty much set. Until the new jobs were started, all they could do was wait.

Before Luke left, he wanted to make sure Andy was still up for the job. She had been so determined when she approached him the other day, but after hearing some things around the barn, he found out just how complicated things had been before she left. He wanted to be sure she would be able to concentrate on the job at hand, and not get hurt by being less than completely focused.

"Hey, Nick, can you give us a minute?" Luke asked, hoping that his operative would be reasonable.

After giving Luke a questioning look, he turned to Andy to make sure she was comfortable with being alone with Luke. "You okay with that?"

She gave him a confused look, eyebrows furrowed. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Never mind. I'm gonna head to the restroom and I will be back in five," he stated while slowly making his way out of the booth, kissing her temple, and giving one last glance toward the two.

"So, Luke, what's up?" With fingers laced together and placed on the table top, she looked directly in his eyes, slight confusion playing over her features, obviously wondering what he would want to talk to her privately about.

"Andy, please don't take any offense in what I'm about to say, but you do realize Nick has feelings for you, right?" When the words left his mouth, he could see Andy's face fall.

She closed her eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and collected her thoughts before continuing softly so that their conversation remained confidential. "I honestly wasn't completely sure. We had become pretty good friends after everything happened with Sam. At first that's all I thought it was, but there have been a few times over the past couple of days that in my gut, it felt like it was more than playing the part. And playing a role and all, I wanted to think it was just Nick being a very convincing boyfriend, so I brushed it off. Luke, I swear nothing is going on. I will not do anything to jeopardize another op. I promise you I've learned my lesson the last time."

He could see she was rambling and knew she was starting to freak out. They both knew all too well how badly a compromised operation could go. If Andy and her friends hadn't found the property belonging to Brennan's late wife, Sam would not have made it out alive. Even though it was not her fault that Sam was made, he knew that a part of her would always blame herself. That was just the kind of person she was.

Placing his hand on hers, he tried calming her down as best he could. "Andy, its okay." Her nervous eyes focused back on his, her heart rate slowly returning to normal. He honestly did trust that she wouldn't do anything to put anything or anyone in jeopardy, and he tried his best to convey that to her.

"I trust you, and have complete faith that you have it in you to get this job done successfully, I just figured you should know. Speaking of men having feelings for you..." he paused, reaching into a plastic bag he brought with him. He pulled out a bottle of grapefruit juice, and a bus token. "He said you would know what these mean."

When she saw the items he placed on the table, a few small tears escaped from her eyes. "Thank you, Luke," she choked out.

She reached into her purse and pulled out a bag, while a small, guilty smile spread across her lips. "Could you give these to him for me?"

Luke bit down the laugh that threatened to escape. What were the odds of both of them wanting to give the other some seemingly random item that apparently had enough significant meaning to bring her to tears?

Placing the items in front of him, she continued, "I know I need to focus, and I promise you that I am fully dedicated. I'm sure you heard through the rumor mill all the crap that happened before I left, but I promise this will just be a one-time thing. You won't be a messenger and I meant what I said when I agreed to everything."

"Don't worry about it, Andy. I'll admit I was a little concerned because things have been tough for you lately, and it's really hard to separate that from work,but seeing the determination in your eyes right now, I know you'll keep focused and do a great job. I get that you left things unresolved before you left, and I don't want you to be distracted, wondering about the "what ifs," so I will be sure he gets this. For the record, Sam is a lucky guy. I really am sorry for how I've hurt you in the past. I really hope that once this is over, you guys will figure things out. I really do want you to be happy, and you are, with him."

He paused, giving her hand a light squeeze, as another tear rolled down her cheek.

"Thanks Luke. You really are a good guy, you know? We both made some terrible decisions, but I hope you know I don't hold anything against you, and it is not all on you. I really hope you'll find someone who makes you happy. Things between Sam and me were pretty bad when I left, but I think things will be okay. This might seem like some random bottle of juice and an old bus token, but it is significant enough that I know that we will be able to work through things when I get back."

"Who would've thought that we'd be working out our past like this… in a diner, hours away from home, while you're missing your guy, while pretending to be in love with another, to take down a criminal. I'm glad that we were able to work through this. Well, now you have even more of a motivation to get home..." he quickly yanked his hand away from Andy's feeling a burning glare at the back of his head. "He's looking at us, isn't he?"

It was Andy's turn to bite back a laugh. "Yup. And if by looking, you mean giving you the death stare, then yes. Come on, let's get out of here. Don't want you to have another retrain day," she chuckled, recalling a day he would have rather forgotten.

With a playful glare, "Thanks for that. I really didn't need a reminder."

He threw down some bills to cover their tab and the three of them headed out of the diner. Luke drove off, headed back to the barn, while Nick and Andy started their walk to their apartment.

* * *

Andy left the diner with a huge weight lifted off her shoulders, a weight she hadn't even been aware she had been holding. The walk to the apartment was relatively quiet, with thoughts and memories flowing through her mind. She smiled at how well everything had turned out over the course of the last hour.

Her mind wandered back to the scavenger hunt with Boyd, and how he took everything from them, leaving each with only a bus token. Having heard about a shady dive bar from Sam while he was still her TO, she headed to the Alpine with Traci, and had received the surprise of her life, seeing Sam, well JD, in the flesh. She never ended up using that token, having spent the night with the love of her life, and taking a cab back to the station instead. Her heart fluttered at the thought of him remembering that small moment, a moment that signified their beginning, as unconventional and against the rules as it was.

The memory of him calling her, asking her to meet him again at his cover apartment caused the butterflies in her stomach to stir. She remembered that as stupid as it was, she couldn't say no. Once she got there, it was even harder for her to leave. After spending another night in his arms, he brought her juice in bed. Grapefruit. She was surprised that he paid so much attention to a tiny detail like that.

She loved his gesture and what it signified. Until that point at the Alpine, they had been fighting their feelings for each other, and only then did they realize how amazing they could be together. Losing Jerry had been extremely tough on their relationship, causing it to fall apart momentarily. Knowing that he was choosing to remember their beginning, it was now only a matter of time before they'd make things right again. Exchanging those meaningful items proved to her just how much they were willing to fight to save their relationship. She knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she would never allow anything to come between them again. He was it for her, and she loved him more than she could ever express. More than ever, she was extremely motivated to get the job at hand done as quickly and efficiently as possible so she could make it back to her man.

* * *

Note: A review would be very much appreciated.


	16. Chapter 16

Thank you, as always, to Sairs J.

To everyone who has left a comment, thank you very much. I really appreciate each and every one of you who has taken a moment to do so.

I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. I'm sorry it's been a while since I last updated. My grandmother had a stroke a couple weeks ago, my dog passed away last week, and I've had numerous exams, quizzes, and assignments due.

If you have a second, please leave a comment. Thanks!

* * *

Luke usually found the four-hour long drive from North Bay to Toronto to be long, exhausting, and unpleasant, but for once, he found it to be rather enjoyable. He chocked it up to how things had just played out with Andy. Replaying the events of the past hour in his mind, he felt so much lighter than he had in a long time. After his indiscretion with Jo, he doubted he'd ever have a good working relationship with Andy again. He wouldn't have blamed her for not wanting to even look at him, her cheating ex-fiancé, but despite all of the hurt that he had caused her, she forgave him, and he was glad that they were on the road to becoming more than just colleagues. They were becoming friends, which was more than he thought he ever deserved.

He had to admit that playing courier for his ex-fiancé and her not-so-ex-ex-boyfriend was definitely one of the strangest things he'd ever done. Despite how weird it was, he was willing to put his feelings aside to do something for Andy. More than anything, she deserved to be happy, and if this was what it took, he'd gladly do it.

* * *

Sam slowly walked into the barn after a long, tiring shift, covered in dirt and sweat. He really could've used a slow day, but it had been anything but. Apparently all the low-lives in Toronto decided they'd conspire against him. After every call he answered, he barely had a minute to catch his breath before getting called to another scene. Just as he was about to step into the locker room so he could change and head home, he heard Callaghan call his name from across the bullpen. He closed his eyes and cringed internally, preparing for the worst.

"_Crap. Don't tell me he changed his mind."_

The only good thing that came out of his day had been the knowledge that Andy would get his message. He hoped that the little gesture would finally set them in the right direction. Now that Callaghan called him over, he was unsure of how his plans were going to play out. Deciding to face the music, he headed over to where he heard Luke call him.

"Swarek. How about we head into my office?" Luke suggested, motioning over his shoulder.

Sam followed and took the few steps up to the glass-walled room to the detectives' offices. Luke signaled for him to have a seat, to which he complied.

"So, I just came back from the meet today, and I was able to pass off the things to Andy." Luke paused, and Sam was able to absorb what had just been said.

To say that he was shocked was an understatement. Ever since he heard Callaghan call his name, he was trying to prepare himself for the inevitable let down.

"_He actually came through,"_ he thought to himself, smiling inwardly at the thought of Andy receiving the gifts and the underlying message behind them.

After the brief elation at Luke's revelation, the panic set in. "_What if she doesn't understand what I meant? What if she does, but doesn't care anymore? Was that really a good move? Would that be more of a distraction for her?"_

It was as if Luke could hear his thoughts, as he continued what he had to say. "This is pretty awkward and all, but just know that she understood what you were trying to say, and she really appreciated the gesture. She had something for you too." He grabbed the brown paper bag from his belongings and handed it over.

Sam was speechless. She had something for him too. He wondered what it could be, and more than ever, he couldn't wait to get out of there to see what it was.

"Thanks, Callaghan. I really do appreciate you doing this."

"Yeah, don't mention it."

* * *

Sam had been sitting in front of his locker with the paper bag in his hands, unable muster the courage to open it. Callaghan had implied that Andy had been touched by the items he sent her, but what if that was all it was to her? The fear that she had already made her decision, and whatever laid in his hands was meant to be some a kind of goodbye pained him. The internal debate he was having was eating him alive. He knew it was best to just get it over with, and he could hope for the best. With a deep breath, he slowly opened the package.

He carefully lifted the tape and unfolded the bag until he found the note and the contents inside. It was then that his heart soared and a smile spread across his face. He knew at that moment that she was trying to express the same things that he had.

He remembered the time when they talked in his truck after shift months ago, while they each ate an apple flip. They had both made promises to not walk away, but they had let each other down. He knew that her apology, along with the pastry had to mean she was sorry for being the one to leave this time. There was no way he was blaming her for leaving, though. It was a great career opportunity, and she was only going because she had nothing to tie her down. Granted he had professed his love to her the day she left while she was holding a bomb, but before that, things hadn't been good between them for a while. He wished he could tell her that it wasn't her fault, and that he loved her even more for her apology, but that it wasn't an option. More than anything, he was thankful that they both appeared to want the same things and he would wait however long it took for her to return in order to make things right again.

This time he would not let her get away, nor would he be the one to leave.

* * *

Sam sat on his sofa, a beer in hand, with a notebook and pen on the seat beside him. Knowing that he couldn't contact Andy again, he settled on writing her another letter. Given the fact that they were on the same page, he knew that once she got back, he'd be giving her each letter he wrote. Setting his drink down, he grabbed the notebook and pen, and began to write.

_Andy,_

_I'm still not very good at this whole communication thing, but I'm giving it a shot because I want this to work. I want us to work. I got your note and the apple flips today. It's funny how we both managed to have similar ideas with the same general message. I hope you know just how much I love you, and how sorry I am for pushing you away. _

_I will always remember our time as JD and Candace. I really didn't expect to see anyone I knew at the Alpine, but there you were. It took us a long time to admit our feelings for each other, and I am thankful that you took a chance with me. We definitely colored outside the lines, but I don't regret anything. Even with the whole Brennan part of it all, I'm glad that you were safe, and that it was me instead of you. If I had to endure all of that again so that you remained unharmed, know that I would do it in a heartbeat. _

_When you get back, not only am I going to bring you juice to bed, I'm going to make you breakfast, along with all the other things I promised. I'll be taking out your trash and walking your dog, our dog. _

_I really am going to try to be the man that you deserve. I'm sorry that I haven't been that man for you. I hope that you'll allow me to show you just how special and wonderful you are. _

_I love you,_

_Sam_


	17. Chapter 17

To Sairs J, a huge thanks to you for being the awesome beta reader that you are!

Thank you for reading up until this point. I really hope you like this chapter. A big thanks to those who have commented, followed, added this story to their favorites list, and for just taking the time to read the story inside my head.

* * *

_3 months into the op…_

Andy leaned back on her chair at the front desk of BTI Trucking, and thought about all the progress she had made with Nick over the past few months. She had not doubted they'd get jobs on the legitimate side of the business, but from what they had heard from Tom, Carl was not one to trust easily, and she had been worried it would be a while before they would be working with the guns and drugs. To her surprise, it did not take long at all before they became completely immersed in all their illegal activities. Apparently with their background checks turning out as expected, combined with the good word that Tom put in, and Carl's soft spot for a young couple down on their luck, was all they really needed to get their foot in the door.

Although the op was progressing well, she hated that the same could not be said for her relationship with Nick. Ever since the first meet up with Luke, their friendship had been strained, to say the least. She had been in her own happy bubble the entire walk back from the diner. Having patched things up with Luke; was great in itself, but getting Sam's message gave her the hope and comfort she needed, and caused her heart to soar. The happiness, though, had been short lived.

* * *

Flashback

"Andy, what's going on with you and Luke?" Nick asked, the accusing and questioning tone evident in his voice, no matter how much he tried to mask it.

"Nothing is going on with us. He had heard some stuff around the barn, and just wanted to make sure I was still able to do all of this."

"I'm just asking because you guys seemed awfully close."

The questioning from her partner and friend had started to get to her. He had been an awesome break-up buddy, but she couldn't help but feel that he was going a little too far. He didn't know her history with Luke, so his actions weren't something she expected from him. When Luke had mentioned Nick's obvious feelings for her, she worried that all of this overprotectiveness and questioning was due to jealousy. She hated that that was a big possibility.

"Luke and I have a history. It was messy, and today we were able to kind of clear the air. He was just honestly concerned about me, and for that I'm grateful," she shared, hoping that he'd be able to let it go. She pulled the bottle of juice from her bag to place in the refrigerator, and saw that Nick's eyes were moving between her and the bottle in her hands. Already knowing what he thinking, she decided to go ahead and tell him the truth, but not after letting out a huge sigh, fully aware of the argument that was sure to unfold.

"It's from Sam. He had Luke bring it by. Now, before you say anything, I appreciate the wonderful break-up buddy you've been, but I really think it's different this time. And if it isn't, then it's my heart on the line, and I won't expect you to help me pick up the pieces if it comes crashing down. But, I really don't think it will this time." She was rambling and she knew it. The fear of how Nick would respond made her nervous, but more than that, she was confident that Sam was sincere and she wanted to make sure Nick knew that too. He had been such a great friend, and she didn't want things to change between them, although it seemed inevitable.

"What?! They're from Sam? Seriously, Andy? After all he put you through… He left you standing in a parking lot in the pouring rain, and you're going to give him another chance after he gives you a bottle of juice? Do you remember how much pain he caused you?" His breathing had increased, and his face was turning a light shade of red.

"You deserve better than that. You need someone who won't hurt you, and who will be there for you when times get tough. How can you give him another chance just like that when there's someone right in front of you who would never put you through what he did? I can be that person for you, Andy, if you just give me a shot."

* * *

"_Yup, that's when it all went to hell," _she thought to herself. She remembered seeing how angry, hurt, and disappointed he had been of her, but it was her decision to make. She tried to let him down easily, but with his feelings out in the open, whether he meant to share them at that moment or not, it didn't turn out well for him.

Being one to hate silence and sitting still, Andy couldn't help but become bored with her current job. With her cover story being that she did the books at her old job, she expected that she'd get some kind of desk job, hoping to channel her inner Emily Starling. What she hadn't planned on was how incredibly restless she'd become, being stuck behind a desk for hours upon hours, alone in a quiet room, staring at numbers all day.

Carl needed someone to take a good look at the books for both sides of the business. Their last accountant had been "taken care of," as he put it, since it became apparent that money that he was in charge of had gone missing. Although she was good with numbers, it didn't mean she enjoyed it, which was why after such a long week of staring at pages and pages of information, her brain was completely fried.

She took a look at the clock at her desk and nearly jumped for joy when she saw it was just after five. Her shift was finally over, and she had the weekend to enjoy herself. Nick and Tom were meeting up with some potential clients a few hours away, and would be gone for the weekend, leaving her to do as she pleased, away from the awkward conversation and the walking on eggshells that she and Nick had been doing. Although she was jealous that Nick was much more involved in the action then she was, at the moment, the opportunity to do whatever the heck she wanted on her own was very appealing.

* * *

As Andy walked down the sidewalk toward her apartment, she heard a soft cry in the bushes next to her. Being the cop she was, her senses being on high alert, and she had to check it out. She carefully and quietly approached whatever had been making the noise, and what she found broke her heart. A small dog was laying beneath the branches, slightly underweight, and looked to be in some pain. From the looks of him, it appeared he was a stray, and she could not, and would not leave him there to suffer.

From what she could see, he was some sort of terrier mix, his scruffy hair matted and covered in dirt, but she could tell that he was absolutely adorable.

"Hey there, Buddy. Come here," she cooed, slowly attempting to pick him up, as he tried to hobble over to her, and licked her face.

"Good boy." She patted his head, and considered her options. She remembered seeing a vet clinic a few streets over, and decided to head over there with her new friend, since he was in need of some medical attention and TLC.

"Okay, let's take you to the doctor and see if anyone is missing you. If not, we'll get you some food, give you a bath, and you can live with me. How does that sound, huh?" A huge smile spread over her face, as the dog wagged his tail in her arms.

When she was told by the clinic that he didn't have a microchip and was likely a stray, she knew exactly what she'd name him, and was overjoyed to become his owner. An hour and over a hundred dollars later, the duo walked into the apartment. "Welcome home, Boo Radley. This is your new home now," Andy said, as she walked into the kitchen to get a couple of bowls for his food and water.

* * *

With a day off and a new dog to enjoy, she decided to take Boo to the local park. The weather was great, and since it was the weekend, there were a lot of families there with small children, laughing, playing, and enjoying life. It made her miss everyone back at home, but she tried her best to brush it off. Writing letters to Sam in her notebook helped a little, so she had been faithfully journaling every night. She often wrote about her day, and how the little things she saw or did reminded her of him. At least now she wasn't alone. Much of her attention could now be focused on her new furry best friend that she loved, and who loved her back. He'd obviously never replace Sam, but was she was glad that she and Boo found each other. Even if she only knew him for a day, she adored him, and couldn't imagine her life without him.

After running around for a while, Andy and Boo found a bench to rest at. The pup had such little legs, and the running had tired him out. He was content to just relax in the shade for a bit. Being more tired than she expected, Andy was beginning to doze off until she heard a little girl's excited squeal.

She turned toward the noise and saw a little girl headed their way, and she smiled at the innocence and excitement of the child.

"Hi. Can I pet your dog? I love dogs, and he's really cute." The girl's big, sparkling eyes were wide with delight, dimples on full display.

"Sure. Uh, where's your Mommy or Daddy? Do they know you're over here?" Andy asked, wanting to make sure the girl wasn't lost, while her parents frantically searched for her.

She stopped petting the dog for a moment to respond. "My Mommy is right over there," she stated, pointing her finger at the woman power-walking with another child in tow.

"Nicole Marie, how many times have I told you not to run off like that!" the woman scolded. Andy couldn't help but feel bad for the little girl, even though it really wasn't safe to be on her own like that. Thankfully she had come to her, and not some psycho drug dealer or child abductor.

"Hi Ma'am. I'm Andy. I'm sorry. I think your daughter just got so excited seeing my dog. I was just about to take her to find you, but you beat us to it."

Up until that point, the woman hadn't looked at her. She had been so distracted with her daughter that she didn't even notice who she had been with.

"Sorry about my panicked scolding a moment ago. She just gets so excited sometimes and jets, and it scares me to think that she might not be so lucky the next time. Thanks for looking out for her. I'm Sarah, by the way," she stated, offering her hand for Andy to shake.

* * *

Sarah couldn't believe her daughter took off like that, again. Nicole was such a sweet kid, but she was far too trusting and had such a soft spot for animals, wanting to greet each one she came across. Jogging across the field toward a runaway Dr. Dolittle, while practically dragging another little girl with her wasn't what she had planned for the day.

It was not until the woman with the dog spoke up that Sarah even noticed she was there. All of her attention had previously been on Nicole, making sure she knew how dangerous it was to leave an adult's side like that.

Snapping out of her panicked state, knowing that her daughter really was fine, she turned to introduce herself. It was at that moment she thought she was losing her mind.

"_Could that really be her? No way… Oh my gosh. That _is_ her! That's Andy freaking McNally!"_

When she greeted Andy, she tried not to show the countless thoughts and emotions that were currently running through her mind. She would recognize that face anywhere. During one of the visits to her brother's house about a month ago, she found a photo of them together, and couldn't help but admire the beauty of the girl who her brother loved with his whole heart. Sarah hoped that the feelings were mutual and that they'd finally work things out once she got back from the undercover work.

"Hey girls, how about you go play on the swingset right over there," she paused, pointing at the playground equipment a few feet away. "I need to have a rest after all that running to get to Nicole. And do not run off, you hear me?"

"Yes, Mommy," the girls said in unison before heading over to play.

While the girls played, under the constant watch of their mother, Andy and Sarah were able to chat. Even though whatever Andy said was most likely based on whatever character she was playing for her current job, Sarah could tell that she was genuinely sweet, and took a liking to her immediately. She told Andy about how her family was staying at her in-law's lakehouse for the weekend, which was a common occurrence, and that she should come for a visit some time. As the sun started to set, Sarah and the girls were about to head home, when all of a sudden Nicole spoke up.

"Mommy, can Andy come over to Grandma's lake house and bring Boo?" She looked up at her mom, busting out the dimples.

Sarah looked over at Andy and tried to gauge her reaction. Although Sarah knew so much about his brother's sort of ex-girlfriend who he still loved, she knew Andy knew nothing of her, especially who she was related to.

"Nicole, I'm sure Andy has other things she has to do, but you can ask her if you'd like."

Sarah couldn't help but hope that Andy would agree. She wanted to get to know her future sister-in-law better, even if she was undercover. She knew that this girl and her brother weren't even officially together yet, but she knew they'd get married one day. Call it a gut feeling, or some sort of intuition. Whatever it was called, she just knew.

"Andy, can you bring Boo to visit us tomorrow? He can go swimming with us, and you can have grown-up talk time with Mommy. It would be sooooo much fun!"

Before she could answer, her sister had to jump in too.

"Yeah, Andy. Please come over. Please?"

"Sarah, I really don't want to impose," she said truthfully, to which Sarah appreciated.

"You won't be an imposition. We'd love to have you over, so if you're free, you're more than welcome to join us any time."

"Well, okay. I guess that settles it. I'll see you all tomorrow."

After exchanging numbers and giving out directions, everyone headed home. Every single one of them were bursting at the seams with excitement, each for different reasons.

"Bye Boo," the girls shouted.

"And Andy," Sarah reminded them.

"Bye Andy," they added, to which Andy could only chuckle.

* * *

Note: So… Was it what you expected? What do you think will happen next? Do you like the new, furry addition? The description of Boo Radley is based off of my dog, Buddy, who passed away a little over a week ago. I wanted to add something special to the story in remembrance of him. Have a good rest of the week. Please leave a comment if you have an extra moment.


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